Uncovering Your Relationship with Social Media

By better understanding your relationship with social media, you will be more successful in finding the right balance and occasions for using it. The best way to get started is to just become aware of your relationship with social media and how it may or may not impact your own mental health.

Impact on Your Focus and Attention

When asked how social media use impacts a student’s ability to study, two out of three undergraduate college students indicated they were more drawn to social media than their school work.¹² Although the answer may be as simple as social media is more fun, the deeper issue may be related to how your use of social media has trained your brain to prefer to take in information in short doses. Social media rewards a distracted, shorter attention span, which may reward giving our brain quick doses of dopamine. (Dopamine is a chemical in your brain related to feelings of pleasure or satisfaction.) Similarly, when your phone beeps, buzzes, or vibrates with new posts waiting for you, your brain receives a dose of dopamine.

Distractions from social media have also been linked to our desire to be connected and be available for people in our networks.¹³ Similar studies have shown that the fear of missing out (FoMO) leads to significant social media-driven distractions.

The first step of gaining control over these distractions is by eliminating them. As you know, you can easily turn on/off your phone (watch, computer, etc.) notifications. Consider switching away from social media during your relaxing time and pick up a book or magazine, an old school puzzle, or journaling on paper. Another way to improve your concentration is to focus on one task at a time. Put away your phone for 30-90 minutes, jot down three tasks you need to complete, and check one off at a time. The more you use these strategies, the faster you will regain your focus and attention.

Impact on Relationships

Problematic social media use has been well documented among individuals who experience social anxiety and loneliness.¹⁴ For these individuals, social media is often used as a form of connection when in-person relationships are lacking. As mentioned above, for individuals who actively use social media as a way to directly communicate with others, social media use can provide social support and connection. Alternatively, those who use social media more passively, such as only to view other’s lives, have more negative outcomes that can include depression and anxiety. Are you active in your engagement or passive?

If you feel your engagement is only passive, consider this as a red flag, and start by setting boundaries on your social media use as discussed above. To prevent social media from impacting your relationships, consider using social media more actively by reaching out to those in your network to plan in-person meet ups. Also, if you find yourself frequently comparing yourself to what you see on others’ social media, remember that people’s digital life might not be reflective of reality. If you find such comparisons damaging your self-esteem and relationship with yourself, reach out to your support network and open the conversation.

Need for Validation

Consider this scenario: Josh just finished finals week and posted on social media, “I guess I will start packing up my room. I know I just failed my chemistry final. My parents are going to threaten not to pay for next semester.” An hour later, Josh is back in his dorm room and checks his account. No comments. No likes. No “hug” or “care” emoji.

How did you feel when you read this situation? Did it trigger you to cringe and feel bad for Josh? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you feel then?

When you first started using social media you may have simply posted a picture or update in order to keep your friends and family connected with your life. At some point in time, you likely started to expect likes and comments. Eventually, if you don’t get the same level of likes and comments you have become accustomed to, you may start to think your connections are not interested in you.

According to research, the lack of response is often interpreted as “no one cares since no one took the time to respond.” This line of thinking can lead to self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety.¹⁵ Seeking validation – either positive or negative — via social media is moving your relationship with social media into problem territory. If you reach that point, you should pause and reflect on the meaning of this behavior. One of the immediate steps you can take to disrupt this unhealthy cycle is to pause before you post.

Problematic Social Media Use

In 2021, the average internet user spent nearly two and a half hours per day on social media.¹⁶ That translates to over 37 days per year, and over the average lifetime, more than seven years of time. Let that sink in. Since we spend so much time on social media, dedicating such a massive portion of our lives to it, it’s even more important we spend that time well. As stated above, there are definitely positives associated with engaging in social media, especially if you use it to learn more, broaden your social network, and enhance your life by letting it lead you to new offline experiences. However, there are times when social media use, or overuse, can be problematic and unhealthy.

Factors that lead to an individual having problematic social media use include the following:

1. poor self-regulation,
2. lack of control of time spent on social media,
3. social media as a mood regulator,
4. history of obsessive thinking,
5. social media impacting your social and/or professional life, and
6. if social media use is altered to negate these negative factors yet the individual relapses.¹⁷

As a student, problematic social media use could mean that your attendance in class declines or you fail to complete assignments, which leads to lower academic achievement. You may find watching videos and viewing posts more satisfying than learning. You may regularly become distracted while participating in activities that require your full attention, such as driving.¹⁸ Further, problematic social media use refers to using social media platforms for reasons that are illegal, unethical, or socially unacceptable behaviors such as stalking, bullying, or spreading misinformation.

As previously described, evaluating your relationship with social media is the first place to start. In a recent intervention to decrease problematic social media use, students were asked to log their daily use of social media for one week.¹⁹ They logged the length of their time on social media, as well as how they were using it and their thoughts and emotions. After one week, students significantly reduced their level of problematic social media use and improved their mental health and academic efficiency.

Cyberbullying

The relationship between mental health issues and bullying is well documented. The relationship between mental health and bullying in the digital space, known as cyberbullying, is a newer problem and unfortunately provides a platform for bullies to say things behind the screen that most likely would never be said in person. Compared to traditional bullying, cyberbullying isn’t easily reduced by supervision, has the potential for larger audiences, is often anonymous, and has fewer opportunities for someone to provide direct feedback in order to put a stop to the activity.²⁰

For individuals experiencing cyberbullying, it is much harder to avoid attacks and/or escape as the bullying can take place any time of the day. Cyberbullying has a larger audience due to how well connected social media is throughout the community, state, country, and world. Posts and conversations on social media have limitless reach which often puts the victim in a situation with very little control. Once information is in the virtual world, the text becomes very hard to remove and can “go viral” where it becomes so popular you can find it on any search platform.

Cyberbullying via social media can affect people of all ages, and it puts individuals in a difficult situation in which they cannot adequately defend themselves. The roles of each person involved in cyberbullying is consistently in a state of transition as people switch roles from being the victim, to the perpetrator, or the bystander as social media features (i.e., like, share) are utilized. In a recent study of US college students, 1 out of 2 students report being a victim of cyberbullying, while 1 out of 4 students report being a perpetrator at least one time per month.²¹

Prevention strategies to decrease frequency of cyberbullying events are limited; however, research addressing victimization has noted the most effective strategy is to engage your social support network. Together you and a supportive person in your life can discuss the situation and make a plan to avoid further cyberbullying. Eliminating your social media platform where the attacks are occurring is not the only solution. Social media companies are aware that their users may experience these negative events and have put systems into place to report when users engage in such attacks. Theresa companies have also enabled features to block or modify account privacy to prevent situations in the future. The table below provides common examples of cyberbullying and their explanations.