“The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.”

—Plato

First, a Story…

Musician Dave Carroll just wanted to get to his next gig.

Carroll had a layover at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport when he heard another passenger say the baggage handlers were loading checked bags roughly —actually throwing what looked like guitars onto the plane. He said he spoke with three employees regarding the issue, each displayed indifference.

Upon landing in Omaha, he discovered his $3,500 guitar, which had been checked, was damaged beyond repair.

Carroll filed a formal claim with United Airlines, but the company said he was not eligible to receive compensation because his claim was not submitted within 24 hours.

Carroll continued to press United for nine months following the incident, to no avail. As a last resort, he told a company representative, “Ms. Irlweg,” that he’d write a song about his experience and post it online. She wished him well.

He assembled his band to film a low-budget, country-tinged song, and penned the lyrics “You broke it, you should fix it / You’re liable, just admit it / I should’ve flown with someone else / Or gone by car / ‘Cause United breaks guitars.”

It went viral.

“United Breaks Guitars” accumulated 150,000 views in the first day — no small feat in 2009 — and spread quickly from there, becoming the most downloaded song on iTunes within a week.^[1]

Finally, United Airlines offered to compensate him, but it was too late — the damage was already done. The company’s stock price dropped by 10% within a week, and Carroll’s $3,500 guitar wound up costing shareholders $180 million.^[2]

United said it hoped to learn from the incident and would incorporate the video into their internal training.

The Takeaway

Not so long ago, a person’s experience with customer service was generally solitary. In the early 1980s, Coca-Cola commissioned a study that found an individual who had a good experience with a product or service would tell an average of four or five people, and those who had a bad experience would tell, on average, nine to 10 people.^[3] Subsequent word-of-mouth studies would show that those numbers varied by the industry, product, and price, but that general belief persisted for decades throughout multiple industries.

Dave Carroll transformed his solitary experience with United Airlines into a public performance to be distributed and recirculated indefinitely. It worked.

And it marked the beginning of a shift in power from producers to consumers that continues to inform the way in which we think strategically about such relationships.

Introduction to Relationship Management

There is a litany of seemingly synonymous terms associated with thinking about others, but there are a couple of distinctions worth noting.

Sympathy says “I feel sorry for you,” while empathy says “I understand how you feel.”^[4] Empathy requires the “cognitive, emotional, behavioral and moral capacity” to respond to the suffering of others.^[5] Compassion is characterized as a “tender response to the perception of another’s suffering” but it “cannot exist without empathy.”^[6]

Some people seem more naturally empathetic, and perhaps that’s true, but studies show people can learn empathy.^[7]

There’s a human tendency to want to be the hero in our own story.^[8] The trick is to remember that other people enjoy playing that role, too. When we feel insecure, we gravitate toward the former. When we feel confident, we remember the latter.

So, as you work with colleagues, clients, customers, and the media, how will you approach those relationships? Is your ego healthy enough to allow them to be the hero of their own story?

How We Got Here: Strategic Communication, PR & Relationships

Public Relations began with a focus on attracting publicity.

In the 1980s, PR educators and practitioners pivoted from a preoccupation with publicity and embraced the idea of putting relationships at the center.^[9]

The line between external communication and internal communication is eroding, which is a good thing for organizations and people who represent themselves authentically. It’s been suggested that for a company to achieve its communication goals, the characteristics of internal and external communication must merge.^[10]

But let’s take a step back.

We all know that co-worker who appears to genuinely enjoy what they do, lives in the moment, and makes tough interactions look easy. They put the needs of others first. They may even crack a joke at their own expense. There’s no place they’d rather be.

This chapter won’t transform every curmudgeon into that co-worker, but the focus is on how to build and maintain long-lasting relationships. It’s no surprise that the relational part of Public Relations immediately follows a chapter on ethics. What follows is a set of big philosophical ideas for long-term goals, combined with tactical suggestions for day-to-day practice.

Relationship Management: The Outward Mindset

There are not just books, but entire sections of bookstores devoted to the exploration and study of relationships. There’s even an entire academic field devoted to this purpose. It’s not possible or desirable to review each bit of insight in this chapter, but what may be helpful is an umbrella term that encompasses a range of ideas.

The Arbinger Institute trains executives across the world through a mindset meaning a series of beliefs that shape a person or organization’s objectives and goals. The Arbinger Institute emphasizes what it calls the Outward Mindset, which is focused on building strong relationships with others to lead to mutually positive results. To accomplish this, the outward mindset is a three-step process whereby a person:

(a) Sees the goals, needs, and challenges of others.

(b) Adjusts their efforts to be more helpful to others.

(c) Measures and holds themselves accountable for their impact on others.^[11]

This is contrasted with an Inward Mindset, which encompasses behaviors intended to protect and advance an individual. Each person evaluates what they need from others, and in practice, this leads to a focus on how others impact us, rather than the impact we have on others. In doing so, “people plagued with an inward mindset are ignoring the goals, needs, and challenges of others” and will “see their circumstances and execute their work in ways that justify their self-focus.” That mindset can spread throughout an organization.^[12]

Arbinger has found a good test of an organization’s mindset is lateral awareness or “the extent to which people are aware of the goals, needs, and challenges of individuals and teams lateral to them in the company.”^[13] The reason is that an inward mindset might cause someone to determine the goals of their supervisors, or employees who report to them, but self-interest cannot explain curiosity about employees who are lateral to them.

To encourage an outward mindset across the organization, begin by applying the three-step process, and don’t wait for others: The key is to first change your own mindset. Mobilize around a collective goal, own your own work, and allow others to be fully responsible for theirs. Work to eliminate distinctions between yourself and others, and “to the extent you have the authority to do so, rethink systems and processes to turn them outward; create an organizational ecosystem that energizes people rather than manages objects.”^[14]

The success of using an outward mindset can be seen through a company like Staples Europe. After adopting Arbinger’s best practices, Staples Europe was able to enhance communication between senior leaders and front-line employees leading to more collaboration and innovative results.^[15]

Even though it’s easy and natural to focus on our own needs, maintaining an outward mindset helps build and maintain important relationships. It may require sustained effort, but it’s worth it. It’s ethically sound with an added benefit of making strategic sense.

Working with Colleagues – Internal Communication

Regardless of where you are in the organizational chart, you’ll spend much of your time with co-workers. It’s here that you’ll have the greatest opportunity to improve organizational culture.

If you do what you enjoy with people you like for an organization you genuinely believe in, you’re more likely to feel happy. When any of those factors are out of alignment, it can foster a negative attitude that has ripple effects. Internal problems can snowball into external issues. The opposite is also true: A fulfilled and engaged workforce is contagious. For that reason, a brand has been characterized as a “lagging indicator of a company’s culture.”^[17]

Four outcomes for good working relationships are:

(a) Control Mutuality, where each side enjoys some sense of control and influence, even if it may not be perfectly symmetrical.

(b) Trust, or the belief that an organization is dependable, fair and competent.

(c) Satisfaction, where both parties feel their expectations are being met.

(d) Commitment, whereby the time, effort and emotional investment is valued enough by each party to continue the relationship.^[18]

It’s common for executives to believe that they alone know what’s best for an organization, but organizations experience better outcomes when they actively work with stakeholders to make decisions rather than persuading others to accept the outcome of decisions.^[19]

Furthermore, when internal trust is high at an organization, the company thrives. The benefits range from greater profitability and return on shareholder investment to decreased turnover of top employees, better customer service, and better collaboration which enhances productivity and innovation.^[20]

To understand why relationships are key to organizational success, take advice from Steve Jobs, former CEO and cofounder of Apple. “Apple is an incredibly collaborative company,” Jobs said. “Teamwork is dependent on trusting the other folks to come through with their part without watching them all the time. And trusting that they’ll come through with their parts. And that’s what we do really well.”^[21]

If an organization is overrun by individuals with an inward mindset, it’s easy to fall into that trap, and come to view co-workers as competitors. You might even experience schadenfreude when someone at your organization falls short of expectations. That’s not a healthy headspace to inhabit. Zig when everyone else zags. Ditch schadenfreude and start practicing freudenfreude.

Working with Clients — Client Archetypes

Working with current and prospective clients can feel like a professional version of dating, because you are actively trying to project the best version of yourself while meeting the demands of the other. There’s a natural inclination to focus on what you can do and what you can bring to the table — as there should be, to some extent. But using an outward mindset approach where you evaluate the goals, needs, and challenges of others can foster more meaningful and productive conversations.

As a practitioner, you’ll have interactions with a wide range of clients. Some of those relationships will be straightforward and downright pleasant — and you don’t really need a textbook to handle those.

For situations that are a little more challenging, PR professional and author Ed Zitron developed a list of six client archetypes to better understand their characteristics and motivations.^[26] Knowing these different archetypes can help PR professionals better understand a client’s needs, as well as know how to meet their expectations.

1. The Ever-Shifting Client is a challenge because they constantly have new ideas and want to change directions. The root of the indecisiveness is often an incomplete understanding of their business or brand. They also might be scared when they don’t see immediate results. It can help to be reassuring but firm. You may consider having them agree to abide by a plan for 30 or 90 days, for example, to fully assess its effectiveness.

2. The “Whatever” Client is one that doesn’t seem to care what you’ll produce.  They hired you because you’re the expert and they’ll defer to you. They may have hired you because that’s what successful organizations do. It’s important to not take their apathy personally and attempt to get them engaged in the effort. Stress the importance of two-way communication and show them how they may benefit from what you suggest. Try to ensure they are on board with your ideas, instead of receiving negative feedback when it’s too late.

3. The Popular Client is successful and knows it. They aren’t sure what you can offer. It’s best to look at what their strategy is not doing, and approach it from that perspective. It also helps to inquire about their long-term vision for the future, because complacency can put that future in jeopardy.

4. The Unreachable Client may have started off interested and excited, but now you can’t reach them. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they don’t think they need to be involved. You’ll have to initiate contact. Make it clear that you will not act on a strategy without their approval. Set appointments to get in touch, and if the client is still unreachable, reconsider the relationship.

5. The Demanding Client is engaged in the process, which is a good thing. They may not realize or care about how much time something could take. They may have had bad experiences, and they may not trust you. They are ultimately nervous about the outcome. It helps to prove you’re competent and assuage those fears. It may be necessary to set boundaries for the working relationship, and also what would be considered “extra work” beyond your normal duties. If this client is desirable, stick with those boundaries and they will often give you space to work. “Or they will fire you and make somebody else’s life miserable.”^[27]

6. The Flaky Client might not remember what you told them or might not be available when you need them. As a result, you could begin to lose respect for them and feel they aren’t worth your time. The best advice is to remember that “They might just be overwhelmed by the idea of success. Show them that you can be trusted and that you expect the same from them. Make them understand that you are on the same team, that your success is their success and vice versa.”^[28]

Each situation is different, of course, and there’s room for variations of these archetypes — which may overlap — but it can be reassuring to know that these situations are common and identifiable.

Tactical Tip: Thank You Notes

A handwritten thank you note is old school in the best possible way.

Thank you notes aren’t that common, which is one reason why PR practitioners have called them a “secret weapon.”^[29] Some recipients might keep the note as a memento, and others will simply be pleasantly surprised by the gesture.

Brevity works: A three-sentence note will suffice. In the first sentence, “thank the person for the gift or gesture and then be specific about why you appreciate it.” In the second sentence, “tell the person how the gift or act made you feel and how much you appreciate the time and thought that went into it.” In the third and final sentence, you may thank them one last time and mention you look forward to your next interaction with them.^[30] That’s it!

If time does not permit you the few days it may take for a handwritten note to be delivered and read by the recipient, a quick thank you via text or email is better than no note at all.

 

Experts Talk Back:

Three Questions with Len Zanni, co-owner and chief marketing officer at Big Agnes.

Big Agnes is an outdoor retailer founded in 2001 in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. It first offered sleeping pads and sleeping bags, and has expanded its product line to include items ranging from tents and camping furniture to backpacks and apparel.

I’m part of the ownership group, and started at a public relations firm, Backbone Media, which we still use 21 years later. My partner Bill Gamber originally founded Big Agnes with another guy, and about three years into it — I had been working at Backbone on the account, and we had gotten to be good buddies. He and his original partner were like oil and water, and at a certain point they decided to part ways. We got our other friend Rich Hager involved to help buy Brad out, so that’s kind of how it all started.

It helps to know the history about the brand, the history of the products, products that worked, sales lines, the products that didn’t — in certain cases we still can’t figure out why certain things didn’t work at certain times. There’s so much timing and luck and thoughtful design and testing that go into a successful product, and sometimes even ones that aren’t as successful.

But our location here in Steamboat Springs is ideal for testing. Everybody who works here gets out in some capacity, whether they camp, ski, fish, ride dirt bikes, or snowmobile, or mountain bike — or all of the above — and so everybody is a user in some capacity and that really helps our testing. They also have used a lot of gear from a lot of different brands over their whole history, so people know what they like or they don’t like, and that’s been a large part of whatever success we’ve had so far. Also, our external sales reps, too, all fit that same bill. We’ve had a lot of long-standing reps: They know our line, they know how we design it, where we test it, and sometimes they’re involved in that.

Any of those larger relationships, whether it’s with a material supplier, a manufacturing partner, a key retailer, down to our employees and sales reps, consumers — we take those personal relationships very seriously.

The majority of our manufacturers, for example, we’ve worked with since the beginning of whenever we started that product or that category. For example, one of the facilities we make tents in, we’ve been with since 2004. It’s overseas. We’d spend — pre-pandemic, at least — two trips a year to visit each of our manufacturers. Our sourcing department has a Code of Compliance that we recently added to our website. So there’s a lot of work both relationship-wise, but also in a more structured way. And that’s the same with a lot of the materials suppliers — a similar kind of thing.

Some of our bigger vendors we go to dinner with, we hang out with, and really take those relationships seriously. We had a key buying group with one of our key retailers here in the United States, and we did a camp out with part of our crew. I think we had 25 or 27 people out at the local campground. We grilled out, had a campfire — we were able to have a fire this summer; most summers we can’t because of a fire ban — so really, we like to hang out with people in that way and really get to know the person. Because that’s when all the magic happens. That’s when the best ideas come out, we think.

I would say, especially coming from an agency background, where I was there for three-and-a-half or so years — I would say find an industry or a sector that either is closely related to your hobbies or something you’re passionate about.

Find something that you can relate to and be passionate about because you’re probably going to do the best job that you can for that type of an organization, whether it’s the financial markets or the outdoor industry or the ski industry or the bike industry — keep pulling on that string as you create your career path, because that may be the secret to a successful career.

Now I’m not really sure that I know what I want to do in life, but that’s worked out for me, so that’s all I really have to go on.

Working with Customers — Customer Experience & CRM

Customer relationship management, also known as CRM to practitioners and academics, means different things to different people in different contexts. Executives at organizations hold a “wide range of views about what CRM means” because it includes physical and virtual touchpoints ranging from salespeople in retail outlets to telephone contact and direct marketing via mail, radio, and TV, as well as online and mobile interactions.^[31]

A limited view of CRM is to think of it in different parts or as distinct tactics. A robust view of CRM is to consider each of those individual touchpoints in a more holistic manner — as part of a larger philosophical orientation—and recognize that doing so will benefit the organization.

Dave Carroll’s “United Breaks Guitars” ushered in a new era of producer-consumer relations that forever put more power in the hands of consumers.^[32] In this new order, “consumers are co-creators of value,” and the creation of value does not end when the product is in the hands of the consumer. Rather, the value continues as the consumer makes their thoughts known to a wider audience.

Online communication has only added to the chorus of voices who contend relationships between organizations and publics are best viewed through the lens of interpersonal relationships.^[33] It therefore stands to reason that purchases and interactions should not be thought of as isolated transactions, but as aspects of an enduring relationship.

Brands that are transparent and authentic will perform better in the long run, because they have less to worry about. They are who they say they are, and they’ll stand behind it. When transparency and authenticity are absent, the organization is knowingly living a lie, and thanks to social media, it’s only a matter of time before others catch on.

The entire experience for a customer should be pleasant at every touchpoint.

For in-person moments, enhance the parts of the experience that are most pleasant, and consider ways to eliminate or reduce the elements that are unpleasant. This can mean something like creating a unique unboxing experience to make the long wait in line slightly less awful. Above all, having a customer-facing staff who are knowledgeable, helpful, and competent is more important than any other type of messaging because they are the top ambassadors for the organization.^[34]

For online and virtual experiences, how seamless is the process? How easy is it to navigate a site or app? How clear is your communication? Details matter.

The idea is to make it easy for customers to move on with their day and perhaps spend more money because the experience was easy and pleasant. People may show up because you have a great product, but a great experience is what keeps them coming back.^[35]

Customer relationships are frequently managed in online spaces. Each situation is different, but the sets of suggestions below are broadly applicable.

Internally, you’ll work to establish a cohesive team that’s been trained to handle all aspects of an interaction carefully, quickly, and consistently.^[36] In doing so, the organizational voice remains similar and the outcome of those conversations is not dependent upon the whims of an individual representative.

Customer service is an investment. As a general rule, you need to be active on the same platforms as the audience. Using bots and generative AI tools may be inevitable — and the light use of templates is fine, but don’t rely solely upon automated responses. Keep an outward mindset and try to understand the situation and context. Finally, you don’t need to be involved in each mention of your organization, and shouldn’t let the emotions of the moment jeopardize an entity’s reputation.^[37]

Working with the Media — Media Relations

In working with the media, first realize the very idea of “the media” as a monolithic entity is incorrect. In other words, “there is no spoon.”

The media is, in fact, a good number of individuals making their own decisions on a daily basis. As a general rule, they are cynical of PR efforts and in perpetual battle with deadlines. So, what can you do for them?

An outward mindset is a good place to start, because if you think like a journalist, you’ll see story angles that may be of interest to them.

Journalists might not ever admire your chosen profession, but they will appreciate it if you can become a trusted resource, rather than someone who just pushes stories about their client.

Read their work, and understand the kinds of stories they might write. Offer background information on your industry or speak about broader trends without mentioning your client in each sentence. Then, when you have a story that might be of interest, they’ll be more likely to listen.

Navigating the world of reporters, TV producers and social media personalities is difficult, and as a result, it’s viewed as the “most sought-after competency” by both agencies and in-house communication teams.^[39]

Media relations is an acquired skill. It takes time. Even if you don’t experience immediate success in pitching stories or being the spokesperson for an organization, you can and should abide by the following “golden rules of media relations.”^[40]

1. You should provide a service for journalists, and must be available to answer questions objectively and quickly.
2. Respect and accept the independent role of the media.
3. Be honest with who you are and what you represent. Never try to cover anything up.
4. Be available when the news is bad just as you are when the news is good.

Summary – Putting it all Together

This chapter has proffered bits of advice for working with colleagues, clients, customers and the media, but the overarching theme is to maintain a holistic view of the relationship instead of viewing each interaction as transactional.

We would be wise to follow the advice of Charles Marsh, who argues against egocentric models of public relations. He believes in a model centered around community. He frames “indirect reciprocity” — doing good without the expectation of receiving something in return — as the practical framework for PR and not just a stated ideal.^[41]

He summons proof from evolutionary biology and economics to demonstrate there are reputational benefits from taking altruistic actions. In other words, when Party A does something nice for Party B, it’s also observed by Party C — an unrelated audience that witnesses the exchange — and thinks more highly of Party A.

It’s a compelling case for corporate social responsibility and exemplifies the notion of “doing well by doing good.”

For the most part, theories about relationships aren’t necessarily complex. The difficulty lies in keeping an outward mindset when our day becomes lousy or maddening, because the temptation of the moment may be an emotional reaction.

Such a reaction may be justified, but ultimately is not productive.

Approaching situations by considering the goals, needs, and challenges of others can yield new opportunities. In addition to having the advantage of being the right thing to do, an outward mindset makes strategic sense.