Author Biography

Asher Lambert is a freshman studying mechanical engineering at Utah State University. Passionate about the outdoors, he spends as much time as he can backpacking and hiking. Being the son of an active military member, he has seen and lived in many different places. But despite all the changes in his life, he was always with his two wonderful sisters and his parents, the people he cares about more than anything.

This essay was composed in January 2024 and uses MLA documentation.

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“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.”

–William Ernest Henry (lines 1-4)

…

Those words ricocheted off the walls and across the ceiling of the calm chapel. Despite being filled with all manner of people, the church’s meeting hall was quiet enough for these words to resonate clearly in my ears.  Nearly everybody’s eyes were fixated on the source of the words, a woman standing at a wooden podium, speaking into a microphone.  She happened to be reading the first four lines of the poem “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley, and this poem was my mother’s favorite.  Being her favorite, naturally it would be read by one of her friends at her funeral service.  Regardless of the many things said that day, that poem vividly stood out to me.  As I sat on the church bench, staring at the flower arrangement on top of her casket, I realized just how clearly her life reflects off of that poem, and how many words led my mind back to her. She truly had an unconquerable soul.

I met with many people that day.  From close family members to distant friends and coworkers, dozens of people lined up to greet my father, sisters, and I after the bulk of the ceremony.  As somber as I tried to be that day,  I found myself getting extremely annoyed and even resentful towards some of them.  In-between the people that helped my family through this challenge there were many that knew exactly what was going on with my mother and never extended any form of help or even condolences to her.  Some people that my mother had known for years couldn’t find the common decency to comfort her but had the audacity to look me in my eyes and expect me to hug them?  I was livid, she’d been there for almost all of them, and even helped some of them during her battle with cancer, but all they could do was say they were sorry for my loss.  I was so conflicted to stand there and pretend like what they were doing helped me in some way, silently cursing them as they moved on.  But after the initial anger got out of my system, It just reinforced in my mind how special my mom was.  Regardless of everything she went through, she’s one of the few people I’ve known who has truly devoted her life to one of service.

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The word “Service” has many meanings. The Oxford English Dictionary’s first definition for the word states that it means “A form of liturgy or ritual prescribed to be followed for a particular religious ceremony, or a public act of worship.”(“Service”, def. I.1.a).  This definition is paired with a variety of words, creating phrases such as church service to funeral service.  All of these services fall under the purpose that it is providing or doing something for the people involved.  The word service in its adjective form, serving, is derived from another definition in the dictionary.  It states that serving means “the action of serving someone or something; performance of the duties, role, or function of a servant; work done in obedience to and for the benefit of a master, mistress, etc.”(“Service”, def. II.8.a). That ultimately involves doing something out of a sense of duty or responsibility, which is not how we hear it most commonly today.  Instead our society more often uses the definition, “The action or fact of helping or benefiting someone or something; action or behavior that is conducive to the welfare or advantage of another”(“Service” def. IV.22.a).  Ultimately, people who serve others are actively benefiting others, and caring for the welfare of them.

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“In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.”

(Henley, lines 5-8)

…

Leading up to the pivotal day of July 12th, 2023 I spent as much time as I could by my mother’s side.  Confined to her bedroom, I would usually find a spot next to her and watch TV with her.  There was often something playing on that TV during this time, as watching fun Disney movies and sitcoms helped prepare her to fall asleep every night.  When we were not actively watching the television, I would find myself listening to the many phone calls she made to others.  In the face of her own bludgeonings of chance, she was commonly heard helping and comforting others. Some days she would be on the phone with her sisters, one of which relied on her to listen and comfort her through a recently rough marriage situation.  Other days I would hear about my mom giving advice and hope to someone who’d have a recent breast cancer diagnosis, even though they barely even knew each other.  Her final months were filled with these acts of service, even though out of anyone on the planet, she was one of the last that should be obligated to do anything for other people.  That was who my mother was, who my best friend was.

Her level of care for others, especially when it came to her own family, inspired me to try and treat everyone I encountered with the same level of respect and compassion that she did.  More importantly, I decided I would dedicate the rest of my time with her doing whatever she needed me too.  I was indebted to how she treated me, and I wanted to get as close as I could to repaying it.  We ended up spending those final months serving each other in many different ways. On my end, I sacrificed anything I could to get more time with her.  I quit my job, ended my current relationship, and put many other things on the sideline to focus my time and energy on keeping her comfortable.  In turn, my mother did her best to prepare me for my next steps in life.  Whether it was helping me to find housing on campus, or simply preparing me to get ready for a life without her, she never failed to improve my life on a daily basis.  But reflecting on it, the biggest act of service she gave to me through all that was letting me serve her.  Giving me things to do to express my love for her was probably the purest form of love I’d ever receive.

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There have been multiple studies in recent decades that were able to relate service to the mental and physical health of the person actively performing it.  The New York Times explained in an article that “Our bodies and minds benefit in a variety of ways when we help others… Studies show that volunteering, donating money, or even just thinking about donating money can release feel-good brain chemicals… Studies of volunteers show that do-gooders had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol on days they did volunteer work.”(Parker-Pope par. 5).  Stress is something that is very commonplace in many of our lives, and a lot of time and effort is put into trying to relieve ourselves of that stress.  Thankfully, it seems like we have a possible solution to that problem through helping others.  In fact, the correlation between stress and service can even be tied to mortality itself.  A study conducted by the American Public Health Association dives into this subject stating,  “Helping behavior, along with other types of social interaction, is associated with positive health outcomes, including reduced mortality. The present research indicates that helping valued others predicts reduced mortality specifically because it buffers the association between stress and mortality.”(Poulin par. 31).  With the mental and physical benefits that serving others opens access to, it can be concluded that sometimes the best way to help yourself may actually be by helping someone else.

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“Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.”

(Henley, lines 9-12)

…

I was laying on the couch in the evening after completing some homework when I heard keys unlocking the door to the garage.  It was around 10:00 pm, and my mom finally made it back to the house.  Donning a dark navy blue outfit and an exhausted look on her face, this was a routine that occurred many afternoons and evenings through the latter years of my high school career.  Despite her having that look on her face many times, it was getting noticeably worse recently.  Being a dispatcher was always a stressful job for her, but I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for her while a cancer diagnosis was hanging over her head.  But nonetheless, every time this routine played out I could notice her demeanor change as she slightly forced a smile for me and my siblings when she saw us.  Even with all the stress that comes in unison with a job like that, she would keep going back to it.  She didn’t even need the job, but along with having a passion for making a difference, she was trying to save up extra money to send her children to college.  Almost every day I asked her about if she had any cool or crazy calls during her shift, and there was always something for her to respond with.  She had to help with some difficult things.  Some included people finding bodies, toddlers choking on food, and domestic violence cases, but despite the mental exhaustion some calls caused her she was determined to keep going back the next day.  There was no doubt about it in my mind, she was the strongest person I knew.  Surely the menace of her years would find her unaffected.  Surely after she quit work for a few months because of treatment she’d recover and go back the next day, like she always did, to help more people.

…

Living a life dedicated to serving others is known as having an altruistic perspective on life. This way of living and all the principles surrounding it have been taught throughout history by some of the brightest minds, greatest philosophers, and the most prominent civil rights activists.  Even ancient examples of these teachings can be found, one of the more famous ones being the teachings of a Chinese philosopher named Confucius, who among many other things proclaims that “If you want to make a stand, help others make a stand, and if you want to reach your goal, help others reach their goal. Consider yourself and treat others accordingly”(551-479 B.C).  He believed the role of service was crucial in living a fulfilling and genuinely good life, and this idea of living as admirably as possible led to the establishment of Confucianism.  These philosophical teachings constantly reminded the people of ancient China to lend helping hands to one another, and to show great amounts of respect to them and their elders.  But people teaching the importance of these values can be traced far later than Confucianism in ancient times.  An extremely famous leader of the modern civil rights movement, Martin Luther King Jr., taught with altruistic views throughout his various speeches and sermons.  In one of them, he proclaimed “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”(King 1963).  Having an open heart and mind towards others is what drove King and thousands of others to push for equal rights and ultimately make the lives of all Americans better.  These altruistic ideals were important in driving the way of life for many historical and modern figures, ringing just as true today as it did millennia ago.

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“It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.”

(Henley, lines 13-16)

…

Everything in the world felt like it was finally good.  Our family gathered excitedly around my mother to celebrate her recent victory against breast cancer.  The past few months had been the hardest for her in her whole life, but she pulled through.  We were all so thankful for it. On that day, I saw many genuine smiles from my mother.  Smiles of relief and gratitude were shared between everyone in the house.  To think that it was only a few weeks earlier that my mom was constantly drained of her energy due to the radiation therapy she went through was mind-boggling.  Despite all of the punishments she was charged with, she didn’t tell others that she had cancer, let alone needed any help.  She’d kept it a secret from most people, even close friends,  until she was already cancer-free.  I think it was mainly due to the fact that asking for help was something very challenging for her, and I could tell because it is one of the many attributes that was passed down from her to me.  But there was no longer a need to ask for help.  The family was no longer worried, no longer stressed, and glad the whole thing was over with.  It took only a couple weeks for all of us to transition back into our normal routines and lives.  We were all in pure awe at how well the past 6 months went.

After witnessing your own mother accomplish something as profound as winning a battle against cancer, the last thing you’d expect is for her to lose to another one only 2 years later.

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It’s been documented in multiple surveys and studies that plenty of people believe the world is getting less kind over time.  Adam Mastroianni states in a study covering this subject, “In a series of studies using both archival and original data (n = 12,492,983), we show that people in at least 60 nations around the world believe that morality is declining, that they have believed this for at least 70 years and that they attribute this decline both to the decreasing morality of individuals as they age and to the decreasing morality of successive generations.”( par. 1).  This highlights that believing in a morally struggling world is one shared internationally, and many people believe this on the basis that future generations just don’t care as much.  Despite what it may seem every now and then, this belief is quite far from the actual case, and thinking otherwise can do you more harm than good.  But why is believing this a negative thing to do?  Ultimately this misconception leads many people to avoid seeking help from others, even if they truly need it, out of fear that they’ll be met with nothing but indifference.  A social psychologist named Xuan Zhao said “We shy away from asking for help because we don’t want to bother other people, assuming that our request will feel like an inconvenience to them. But oftentimes, the opposite is true: People want to make a difference in people’s lives and they feel good – happy even – when they are able to help others.”(De Witte par. 2).  Many people are too scared to put themselves out there and be vulnerable to others, but everyone needs to understand that asking for help provides many benefits, to both the giver and the receiver.  I plead with everyone reading this that if you ever find yourself in need of help, for any reason at all, there is someone out there that can, and will, put down time and energy to do so.

…

Around a month after her passing, and just a couple weeks after my 18th birthday, we buried my mother a few blocks from where she was married to my father.  Because the funeral service happened a couple weeks or so before the burial, we decided to host another service that day.  The same songs were played, some of the same people attended, and the same poem was read.

Only three days after the burial, I would be left by myself on the same college campus my mother went to many years before me.  It was extremely difficult knowing that I would never get to answer the weekly calls that she promised she would make. The next steps in my life always seemed clear to me, but as my mind ran over the events of the past year I was left confused.  Everything that was seemingly planned out in my head my whole life was now muddled.  Thinking of her example, however, made one thing very clear to me.

Wherever I went, and whatever I did, I would try to do it for the benefit of others.  I told myself I’d serve as diligently and aggressively as I could, because I know that when I serve, it’s what she would have wanted.  Serving others is what got me through her last battle, and is the same thing that got her through it as well.  I plan on utilizing service to stay unbowed, no matter how bloody life makes me.

Works Cited

Confucius. The Analects of Confucius: a Philosophical Translation. New York: Ballantine Books, 1999.

Henley, William Ernest. Invictus. 1896.

Hui, Bryant P. H., et al. “Rewards of Kindness? A Meta-Analysis of the Link …” American Psychological Association, 20 June 2020, www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bulbul0000298.pdf.  Accessed 26 Jan. 2024

King, Martin Luther, Jr., 1929-1968. Strength to Love. New York: Harper & Row, 1963.

Kraut, Richard. “Altruism.” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Stanford University, 31 Aug. 2020, plato.stanford.edu/entries/altruism/.  Accessed 25 Jan. 2024.

Mastroianni, A.M., Gilbert, D.T. The illusion of moral decline. Nature 618, 782–789 (2023). https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-023-06137-x

Parker-pope, Tara. “The Science of Helping Out.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 9 Apr. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/04/09/well/mind/coronavirus-resiliencePsychology-anxiety-stress-volunteering.html.

Poulin, Michael J., et al. “The American Journal of Public Health (AJPH) from the American …” Giving to Others and the Association Between Stress and Mortality, American Public Health Association, ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/full/10.2105/AJPH.2022.307114.  Accessed 26 January. 2024.

“Service, N. (I.1.a) Oxford English Dictionary, Oxford UP, 2021, https://www.oed.com/dictionary/service_n1?tab=meaning_and_use#23370159.  Accessed 23 January 2024.

“Service, N. (II.8.a) Oxford English Dictionary, Oxford UP, 2021, https://www.oed.com/dictionary/service_n1?tab=meaning_and_use#23370159.  Accessed 23 January 2024.

“Service, N. (IV.22.a) Oxford English Dictionary, Oxford UP, 2021, https://www.oed.com/dictionary/service_n1?tab=meaning_and_use#23370159.  Accessed 23 January 2024

University, Stanford. “Why Asking for Help Is Hard, but People Want to Help More than We Realize.” Stanford News, 7 Sept. 2022, news.stanford.edu/2022/09/08/asking-help-hardpeople-want-help-realize/.  Accessed 25 Jan. 2024.