6 “Rexi” Girl

READ THE BOOKS REQUIRED for school, but nothing else unless it encourages you to be skinnier. Watch these documentaries on eating disorders, but don’t take the girls’ journeys as motivation to get better; watch them to see what you need to become. Don’t eat sugar, bread, pasta, cheese, or red meat. No, you can’t drink soda; no, not even diet soda. You’ll never be good enough. You’ll wake up at 5 tomorrow morning and work out for an hour. I don’t care if you’re tired; you’re fine. You want to eat dinner? No, you don’t. You want to be thinner. You know the saying: skip dinner and you’ll be thinner. You’re seriously going to have two eggs for breakfast? Do you realize how that will affect you? Get on the scale; you’re not skinny enough. ​

I’m hungry.

No, you’re not; you’re fat; there’s no way you can be hungry. Go for a run; I don’t care how sore your legs are, or how much your lungs will burn when you hit your fifth mile; I didn’t ask you about the black spots clouding your vision when you go up the stairs. You’re fine. Feel that? Feel your stomach? That’s fat; you need to get rid of it. ​

It’s just skin

…​ No, it’s fat. They’ll try to tell you it’s skin but that’s what fat people say; you don’t want to be fat so don’t give in to those lies. You’ll never be good enough. Your thighs are still touching; you need to fix that. Take these pills; they’ll make you feel better. When your stomach starts hurting, don’t you dare complain; someone will figure it out. Remember every calorie you consume then take that amount and times it by ten; that’s how many sit ups you have to do tonight. Don’t get up too quickly or you’ll pass out; if someone sees that they’ll throw you back into that prison they said would help. You gave into their lies and now look at yourself; you’re fat again. When you eat too much, don’t let it stay; take more pills; run until you pass out, then run more. You’re still not good enough. They’re starting to notice. Put on more makeup; hide the dark circles under your eyes. Don’t even look at that cookie; it will kill you. ​

60 calories for 1-inch cookies…

That’s 60 too many; how can you bear to live with yourself? Stick your fingers down your throat until you start to gag, then push harder; even when you’re throwing up blood, keep your pushing against your throat; this will make you skinnier. Never eat before noon or after 6 pm; in those six hours, you can only eat 400 calories. Weigh yourself again, again, again; you only weighed yourself twice today. Buy two scales; it will ensure you’re getting accurate numbers. Drink more water; you’ll feel fuller that way. You ate too many carrots; you can’t listen to the lies you’re being fed; you’re already consuming too much. Take more pills; how can you stand to look at yourself? Document every calorie you consume and lose; your totals should be in the negatives by the end of the day. Look at the girls in your cooking magazines; they look so miserable, blown up from the sugar they eat. You can never look like that. Cook all day long and dance around the kitchen to burn more calories while you do it; you’re happy to be starving yourself; you should be dancing. Bring the cupcake batter up to your lips and take a long whiff; smell the chocolate and tempt yourself to eat it, but never touch it. You have to stay in control; you cannot afford to have even a lick; you have to prove that you’re strong enough. Tell your friends you have a high metabolism. Tell your parents you’re not hungry. Take more pills; eat less; look at the pictures of those sick, anorexic girls. That’s what you need to look like: a “rexi.” Purge more, purge harder. You can only eat one rice cake per day. No, not the chocolate ones; you shouldn’t care how good they taste. ​

The white cheddar rice cakes are 30 calories less than the chocolate ones

…​ Drink more water. Weigh yourself again. Wrap your stomach in plastic wrap until you can’t breathe. Make sure your arms are never wider than a silver dollar. This is what beauty is. Lose five more pounds, no matter the cost. Your BMI should be the same number as when I started talking to you. Do all of this, and you’ll finally be good enough; you’ll be another one of my creations; you’ll be a rexi girl.