Writer Biography

Megan Jensen is a junior majoring in dietetics with a minor in psychology (as of 2017). With this degree, she plans to be a nutrition counselor for those struggling with pathological eating behaviors and mindsets. Jensen was born in Hillsboro, Oregon, but grew up in Boise, Idaho. She hopes to bring more recognition to the health benefits of potatoes and Tillamook ice cream as she begins her career. Once graduated, Jensen desires to begin a nutrition and self-image curriculum designed for elementary school children. Jensen is enthusiastic about food and is eager to make her passion a career.

This essay was first published in the 2017 edition of Voices and uses MLA documentation.

THE SCALE SHOWED ME AN outrageous number: 118 pounds. Only 35 pounds less than I weighed just a few months beforehand. I stared at my size zero body in the mirror and shuddered; I tried not to focus on how fat I was, but how could I not? 118 pounds. Still three pounds above 115, eight pounds above 110, and 18 pounds above the 100 pounds at which I told myself I would stop losing weight. Guilt overwhelmed me as I clinched my hands into fists and punched my stomach as hard as I could, aching to be thinner, to weigh less, hoping that this act of frustration would motivate me to not eat for the rest of the day. Hot tears streamed down my face as self-loathing and anger coursed through me. I was hungry and extremely dehydrated, but I had to earn my right to a meager dinner, and clearly I did not accomplish that. My muscles stiffened, and my expression hardened as I realized there was only one possible way to solve this problem: to further restrict my diet. My fifteen-year-old mind did not comprehend the consequences of my continued food restriction, and it did not understand that what I had, what I felt, was an eating disorder.

And still, years later, though my battle with anorexia is difficult to discuss, it is frequently a topic of personal reflection. Through this reflection, I analyze possible factors that led me to the point of self-starvation. My muscles stiffened, and my expression hardened as I realized there was only one possible way to solve this problem: to further restrict my diet. Though a few different influences are at play, one has stuck out to me as the most prominent: my eating disorder started with the word ‘diet’ and a misconception of what it means. If I ask everybody I know what they think a diet is, the majority would give me a negative answer. Nobody ever seems happy when they are on a diet. Nobody ever seems glad they have the opportunity to be on a diet. The word ‘diet’ implies sacrifice and discomfort with your body. The word ‘diet’ is said in hushed and sympathetic tones. The word ‘diet’ suggests misery and discouragement, the exact opposite of the emotions food should provide.

Because of my story, it may seem odd to claim that ‘My Diet is Better Than Yours,’ but I believe it to be true. My current diet is not better because I eat less, or because I can successfully cut out dessert (something, I assure you, I no longer do), but due to one simple fact: what I eat makes me happy; it excites me; it adds variety to my life; and most importantly, it no longer controls the view I have of myself. Contrary to popular culture, ‘diet’ is truly defined as the food we generally eat (Dictionary.com). With this in mind, every single person on earth is on their own diet. Each diet is individual and unique to each person, but I do not believe most people are happy with how they eat.

As a whole, society’s conception of ‘diet’ needs to change, and I believe this is rooted in the false belief that food is an enemy. But with a little bit of education, perhaps our relationship with food can improve; perhaps the word ‘diet’ will lose its negative connotation; perhaps fifteen-year-old girls severely restricting their food intake will not get to that point at all. If we are meant to eat 2,000-ish calories every day for 80+ years (58,400,000 calories total), we may as well enjoy some of them.

But right now in society, individuals do not enjoy their calories. As a whole, society’s conception of ‘diet’ needs to change, and I believe this is rooted in the false belief that food is an enemy. The modern definition of ‘diet’ is taking control of the food we eat. If our culture defines dieting as the “adherence to a specified eating plan for purposes of weight loss,” then healthy eating is seen as something you do when you are trying to lose weight, and only when you are trying to lose weight (Schaumberg 90). Many feel immense pressure to reach the “ideal body type” and occasionally begin to use “unhealthy weight loss practices” to achieve it (Quick 425, Paxton 474).

This is the trap I fell into as a teenager. I grew up obese, weighing over 100 pounds by the time I started third grade. When I realized I was a lot bigger than most of the girls my age, I decided to ‘go on a diet,’ not knowing that I was already on one and perhaps just needed to alter it. But I knew my parents were often trying to lose weight, and that meant they did not eat as much—so I decided to follow their example, and my restrictive intake began.

I first cut out junk food; that seemed to be the general trend of those trying to lose weight. Though it took some work, I succeeded at this first step. As I was doing this, I saw other people around me, skinnier people, eating all the junk food they wanted. Other girls were so thin and flawless that they did not need to lose weight. My observations, however, were only partly wrong. Though the girls around me did not need to lose weight, they still tried to lose weight. Studies show that “half of adolescent females have tried to lose weight over the previous month,” and restraint at this age is a “risk factor for develop[ing] eating pathology” (Paxton 474, Schaumberg 89).

Like half of my peers, I was at high risk for developing an eating disorder. I did not think I was losing weight fast enough, so I began to restrict my diet even more. I cut out all sugar, and when that did not work, I became a vegetarian. After that failed to produce the results I wanted, I cut out dairy, all the while reducing my daily caloric allotment from 1,800 to 1,200 calories. Cycles of “repeated dietary restraint [for] perceived lack of self-regulation” resulted in an “anorexic spiral” (Schaumberg 91, Fitzsimmons-Craft 923).

Guilt is the trademark symptom of an anorexic spiral. I felt guilty for being fat, so I cut out food. When I cut out food, I got incredibly hungry. When I got incredibly hungry, I overate. When I overate, I felt guilty for being fat. When I felt guilty for being fat, I cut out food, and the cycle continued. It is seen that “periods of energy (i.e. caloric) restriction increase the reinforcing value of food” (Schaumberg 91). ‘Dieters’ (in the modern sense of the word) want to eat more food because they are hungry, but eating more food makes them feel guilty, so they continue to restrict. Because of this, relationships with food get rather confusing; individuals may be unsure if food is a good or a bad thing and instead treat it just as something they need to survive.

However, some individuals can “[practice] dietary restraint without negative consequences” (Schaumberg 89). This is referred to as “flexible restraint” (Schaumberg 90). What flexible restraint consists of guidelines, not concrete rules, and focuses more on “health, not weight or size” (TriDeltaEO). The diets of these people are guilt-free and full of joy because their food is not accompanied with shameful feelings. They recognize that occasional treats and sweets are okay as long as they do not overwhelm the rest of their diet. A typical eating plan by someone practicing flexible restraint would consist of “more fruits and vegetables,” more whole grains, and “[less] (notice this does not say ‘zero’) junk food” (Trivedi 2). Most individuals who practice flexible restraint use it as a tool for weight maintenance and recognize there are no “good and bad foods, but just food” (Schaumberg 91, Paxton 487). All food is meant to provide us with energy and contribute to our happiness.

In the case of most ‘dieters,’ there is a strict list of foods they are not supposed to consume (i.e. forbidden foods); this is called “rigid restraint” (Schaumberg 90). The problem with rigid restraint and subsequent “forbidden foods” is that it can “lead those attempting to re-gain control of their eating to use inappropriate compensatory methods” and “unhealthy weight regulatory practices” (Quick 426, 429). These methods of eating are generally “encouraged, modeled, and normalized” by not only the media but “friends [and] family” (Paxton 475).

My own experience is a perfect example of this. Due to my weight loss, I received attention from many of my family, friends, and peers. With the exception of my parents, who were deeply concerned about my eating habits, all of the comments I received were positive. My physical hunger, though gnawing, was nothing compared to my emotional hunger for attention and a desire to belong. It was an easy decision to continue restricting my diet when I often heard comments such as, “You look great!,” “I’m so proud of your weight loss!,” “How many sizes have you dropped?,” and “You have a lot more self-control than I do.” These comments are part of a trend known as ‘Fat Talk’ and they encourage people to continue restrictive eating habits.

The ‘Fat Talk’ movement first came to light when the TriDelta sorority put out a two-minute video clip in 2008 highlighting the consequences of unhealthy dieting and eating disorders. The video reported astonishing statistics: “54% of women would rather be hit by a truck than be fat,” and “81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat” (TriDeltaEO). The video reported astonishing statistics: “54% of women would rather be hit by a truck than be fat,” and “81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat” (TriDeltaEO) With these facts in mind, it is no wonder I, as a fifteen-year-old girl, felt 118 pounds was too fat. I remember times when I would suck my stomach in while sitting down or walking around, afraid people would judge me as pudgy; a strange concern since my stomach naturally caved inward, and my hip bones and ribs poked out of my clothes.

If I felt this way at 15, imagine how confused a younger child might be about their food choices when regarding the same message—that they are never thin enough. From ages 2-11, children “see an average of 25,600 ads per year” (A Look…Ads). Many of these ads show unrealistic weight goals from fashion models who are “thinner than 98%” of the population, and the latest findings concerning new diet trends (TriDeltaEO). Even if a child is not overweight, they start to question whether they look the way they should after repeated exposures to these unrealistic messages.

Considering how early in life children are bombarded with these messages, it is surprising that proper nutrition and body-image classes are not taught until middle school, if at all. In recent years, Sarah Durkin, a professor at the University of Melbourne, Australia, did a study on the effectiveness of body dissatisfaction prevention messages for adolescent girls (7th, 8th, and 10th graders). Media clips highlighting different body-image messages were shown to see which ones the girls related to most. Researchers found their message on how “thin does not equal attractive…was the only message” not rated “[high] on believability,” though it was rated high on relevance (Durkin 387). Durkin took this to mean the girls “want[ed] this message to be true, but simply [did] not believe it” (Durkin 388). This parallels something else the researchers found: none of the information was new to the girls; therefore, the messages were boring and uninteresting to them. As the girls continue to hear these messages, they lose shock factor and influence. Without an alarming impact, the messages become insignificant in the girls’ lives.

To combat this, I look to Brooke Parker, the disordered-eating dietitian at Utah State University. Parker is starting a new curriculum called “Every BODY Rocks” for local middle schools and youth programs to use in the classroom. This curriculum begins by showing that beauty comes in all body shapes and sizes and teaches children how to get out of “self-esteem traps;” Scales and mirrors can teach children to place all of their value on what they look like or the number they see (Parker). Parker discusses how the media can reinforce these self-esteem traps. One thing that sets Parker apart from Durkin, however, is that she explains how the media can be a positive influence: uplifting quote boards on Pinterest, memorable nutrition slogans from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), natural models in Dove soap commercials, and inspiring posts on Facebook; it is simply a matter of filtering out the ‘Fat Talk’ and filtering in the positive messages.

Next, Parker discusses the importance of biological cues (i.e. hunger and satisfaction), as well as how to recognize these cues, so kids understand what these cues feel like. Parker emphasizes the nutritional aspects of eating but also educates against the stigma that your self-worth is proportionate to your weight—“Do not put all of your eggs in one basket and think of that as your self-worth,” she continues, “Your self-worth is not dependent on one thing alone” (Parker).

This last step is what makes Parker different from other intervention and prevention studies. Though Parker’s message is not new to middle schoolers, she does one thing others do not—she builds up children’s self-esteem. Simply showing a media message about the possible negative consequences of dieting will not prevent restrictive diets, but they will be prevented by helping children feel comfortable and happy with their own bodies. And this is ultimately where the modern definition of ‘diet’ originates—whether or not individuals feel comfortable in their own skin. If schools integrate body-image self-confidence into their curricula, it could help prevent some of those “45% of [adult] U.S. men and women [who] perceive themselves as overweight” from ever having those thoughts (Quick 425). Healthy relationships with food would flourish, and weight would not be a determinant of health. Simply showing a media message about the possible negative consequences of dieting will not prevent restrictive diets, but they will be prevented by helping children feel comfortable and happy with their own bodies.

However, occasionally, thoughts of being overweight are true. With the obesity rate over 20% in all states and as high as 35% in some, there is evidence we all need to improve our diets (“Obesity…Trends”). The difference lies in how we attempt to change our diet. As an obese thirteen year old, I desperately and obviously needed to eat less and eat healthier. I frequently overate, and junk-food was a staple in my diet. What I needed was balance; what I needed was flexible restraint.

Similar to body-image coaching, healthy nutrition coaching (i.e. flexible restraint) needs to be implemented into every child’s education. Not until I was fourteen did I receive any nutritional education, and this was long after I began my restrictive mindset. The rest of my knowledge was self-taught until I came to college and took nutrition classes. These nutrition classes taught me exactly what I should have learned in elementary school: portion sizes, caloric needs, general nutritional recommendations, and the energizing nature effective nutrition has.

Thankfully, the FDA is already working on this by reaching out to parents and educators, encouraging them to “help children make wise [food] choices;” this is done by providing classroom curricula for children as young as first grade (Parents). Education on healthy eating can protect children against those times when their self-confidence and body-image are tested; they can stand firm in their nutritional practices and not crumble like I did. This is as simple as getting children excited about fueling their bodies correctly and joyfully. The FDA provides education for all grades in elementary school, ensuring the information is taught and re-taught in new ways every year. First graders learn about the different food groups and learn that some foods should be eaten more often than others. Sixth graders learn about cooking healthy foods and apply their knowledge to the school cafeteria meals (Parents). The information taught, though not new, increasingly gets more complex and applicable to the children’s lives. Repeated exposure to nutritional information, if taught in exciting and memorable ways, can be successful and useful for a lifetime. Kids will have the tools they need to apply this nutritional information in their daily lives. This way, they do not have to wait until college to gain this information. They do not have to struggle with their body-image. They can grow up confident in how they look and be happy with the foods they choose to eat.

Lack of education is exactly how I ended up ‘on a diet’ as a thirteen year-old girl; I knew I needed to make a diet change, but all of my information came from negative sources. If educators start young, if nutritional and body-image issues are attended to, if children are shown the happiness that accompanies fueling the body correctly, then they can be prepared for a lifetime of nutritional joy. Restrictive diets will be unnecessary because individuals will know how to manage their weight in a way that makes them confident. What is needed is alteration, not restriction. Diets are good things, common things, and it is imperative to understand that we will always be on one. But that does not mean the occasional brownie sundae is unhealthy; it simply means that we are getting the most out of our 58,400,000 caloric allotment, which should be everyone’s goal. And that is why ‘My Diet is Better Than Yours.’

Works Cited

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Durkin, Sarah J., Susah J Paxton, and Eleanor H. Wertheim. “How Do Adolescent Girls Evaluate Body Dissatisfaction Prevention Messages?” Journal of Adolescent Health vol. 37, no. 5, 2005, pp 381-390. Accessed 22 Nov. 2016.

Fitzsimmons-Craft, Ellen E., et al. “Restrictive Eating In Anorexia nervosa: Examining Maintenance And Consequences In The Natural Environment.” International Journal Of Eating Disorders vol 48, no. 7, 2015, pp 923-931, Academic Search Premier. Accessed 22 Nov. 2016.

Jensen, Colleen. E-Mail Interview. 15 Oct. 2016.

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Parker, Brooke. Personal Interview. 15 Nov. 2016.

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