12 I Don’t Like My Nose and You Don’t Have to Like Yours Either

About the Author

Rebecca Ivans was born in Lexington, Kentucky and moved to Logan, Utah when she was very little. She is a sophomore studying Political Science and Environmental Studies. For fun, Ivans enjoys embroidery and hiking.

This essay was composed in May 2022 and uses MLA documentation.

“YOU ARE IMPERFECT, PERMANENTLY AND INEVITABLY FLAWED. And you are beautiful” (Bloom). Author Amy Bloom supplies an example of the brain’s apparent tendency, or even necessity, to equate imperfections to beauty for things to be considered worthwhile. Many people, particularly teenagers and young adults, struggle with negative body image and ideas surrounding self-perception. Recently, a movement surrounding body positivity has taken the discussion surrounding body image by storm. The word “beautiful” is frequently used to assuage feelings of inadequacy in those struggling with their body image- but why? Why do we need to be considered beautiful to be worthwhile?

Why do we try to force ourselves to like what we see each time we look into a mirror? Why do we crave being told things like, “you have such pretty eyes,” or “I wish I could do as many pushups as you”? When is it that we will realize that the most genuine compliment you can give someone is not that you like their hair or clear skin or how big their biceps are, but that you like them? That you just like them, regardless of how they look or what their body can do? Your worth is not in what you look like. Your worth is completely untethered from how many pushups you can do or even if your liver’s functional. Everyone else’s worth is outside of those things, too. Your body is the least interesting thing about you. Body positivity, however, doesn’t seem to agree. Overemphasis on our bodies and their functions allows the cycle of feelings of inadequacy to begin again.

Thus, body positivity isn’t the answer to our body issues. Instead, we should make it a point to focus on body neutrality, or the recognition that we all have bodies, and their appearance or capabilities are not what give them their worth (Fuller). The fact that they house what is truly important about us does. We, as a society, need to stop emphasizing how we look or what we can do and instead focus on how comfortable and healthy we feel. It should be noted that there is no one universal definition of comfort or health, just like there is not one for beauty. Both words can mean something entirely different for people and still be creditable indicators of general happiness.

To understand one of the central flaws within the body positivity movement, one must first understand the central concept surrounding it that became so insidious in the first place: beauty. Societies worldwide have placed a particular emphasis on beauty virtually since their inception. Of course, ideals of beauty or attractiveness have never been universal; but in contemporary times, the Western model of both is widely accepted across the globe. In women, beauty ideals are generally as follows: a slim physique, long, shiny hair, clear skin, Anglo-Saxon features, and little to no body hair (Turner). Body positivity’s original intent was to argue that these features are not the only ones that ought to be considered beautiful; instead, all bodies of all shapes and sizes should be regarded as “beautiful.”

While body positivity’s push for inclusivity is undoubtedly admirable, the push was in the wrong direction. Author Daisy Maldonado explains this concept in her article, “The Body Positivity Movement is Focused on All the Wrong Things.” Body positivity’s central tenet is that “all bodies are beautiful.” The most critical flaw with this concept is that it ignores its audience: all bodies are beautiful, but to who? Who defines what beauty is? Why use that adjective in the first place? Instead, we ought to operate under the assumption that all bodies are worthy. Worthy of respect, kindness, and benevolence. “Worth” has a much less negative impact on the psyche than “beauty” does. While, of course, the worth can indicate a monetary value, which obviously cannot be applied to a human body, its limits of definition are not as narrow as that of beauty.

Body positivity’s harm and the overemphasis on beauty or attractiveness are not limited to women. The body positivity movement also fails men. While the movement has admittedly made strides in popularizing confident, non-beauty-standard-conforming women like Lizzo and Ashley Graham, men are not offered any similar improvement. In an interview with GQ, actor Jonah Hill, who is widely revered as an “unlikely street style icon,” discusses how he still faces immense amounts of criticism for his weight and appearance despite being praised for his clothing: “even now, I’ll overhear someone discussing my place in the fashion world or whatever, and people are like, ‘That guy? The schlubby guy from Superbad?’” Throughout the rest of the article, Hill expresses his frustration that he can be called things like a “style icon” or “one of Hollywood’s most fashionable,” but there is always a caveat attached to those labels. He feels they arise because he does not fit the male beauty standard of being tall and visibly muscular (Hore-Thorburn). Unfortunately, at least as it is utilized in mass media, it appears that the body positivity movement only goes skin deep.

Ashley Graham is one of the world’s most famous plus-size models. Graham reached supermodel status in 2016, shortly after publicly denouncing how heavily the fashion modeling industry ostracizes people, including some of the industry’s most celebrated models. Their bodies do not align with the beauty standard at that time. Graham is widely celebrated for her efforts to reform the modeling industry and for all she has accomplished regarding more inclusive sizing being introduced in popular clothing brands. Unfortunately, although Graham is considered a champion of the body positivity movement, ironically, many people just can’t seem to value her past what she’s been fighting to remove from the center of her work: her appearance. The actual execution of the body positivity movement falls short of its intention.

If we are to embrace body neutrality successfully, we must recognize that another tenant of body positivity is misleading, if not at times downright incorrect: our bodies’ capabilities do not contribute to its worth and value. On a website created for those suffering from eating disorders, author Baxter Ekern explains the idea of body functionality as a form of being body positive. Ekern introduces readers to methods they can use to appreciate their body’s functionality, such as the ability to walk to work, communicate ideas, or digest food. The methods Ekern encourages readers to try to help them celebrate their body’s functions are daily practices, such as journaling, “joyful” body movements such as dancing, and eating foods that one enjoys (Ekern).

While there is merit to these ideas, and they have helped people, including myself, the focus on body functionality can isolate those with non-typical abilities, people with chronic illnesses, and those who struggle with their health. For example, I have a close friend, Brooklyn, who suffers from an array of health issues. Her kidneys are essentially nonfunctional, she’s tethered to a feeding tube, and she cannot eat the majority of foods I enjoy regularly. During a long car ride, I was discussing this idea with Brooklyn, and I described to her how although I do not always like the way that I look, I am grateful to my body for helping me do my favorite things: go on hikes, walk around my college’s campus, and cuddle with my pets. Brooklyn’s response to my soliloquy was succinct and deeply impactful to my mentality. “Lucky you. I don’t like how my body looks or what it does. I’m glad that works for you, but I can’t think about what my body can or can’t do without getting angry.”

Brooklyn is not the only person with chronic illness who shares similar sentiments. While there is no doubt that methods of thinking and practices such as mindfulness that help people feel more comfortable with their bodies are incredibly worthwhile, we must be careful not to project this language and thinking onto other people. Authors Lisa Legault and

Anise Sago illustrates this concept in their journal article, “When Body Positivity Falls Flat: Divergent Effects of Body Acceptance Messages That Support vs. Undermine Basic Psychological Needs.” Using self-pressuring language, like “I like my body,” or forcing ourselves to be grateful for our bodies can have negative impacts (Legault & Sago).

Legault and Sago advocate for an alternative that fits in quite nicely with body neutrality; instead of telling ourselves that we must be grateful for our bodies or forcing ourselves to point out features of our appearance that we like, we should focus on self-acceptance. Messages like, “I don’t like how my nose looks, and that’s okay. My nose has nothing to do with my worth as a person.” Or “I cannot run a marathon, and that is just fine. My inability to run a marathon does not detract from my value.” Focusing on accepting our feelings about ourselves yields much better results and makes room for building self-confidence than arbitrarily stating positive messages targeted towards ourselves (Legault & Sago).

Our bodies are our homes, our vehicles that transport us through our daily lives. They are the only thing that is promised to us from the day we are born to the day we die. Thus, if given something so permanent, our biggest priority should be to find comfort in our bodies, not fuss over their appearance or abilities. At your funeral, what do you want people to talk about? What do you want to be remembered for? That you had a tiny waist? How handsome your face was? How attractive you were? When I am eulogized, I hope that I am remembered for the qualities of my soul, like kindness, generosity, and courage. Not for the things about me that can only be seen at face value. You are worth so much more than what the world sees as you walk by. You are worth love, respect, and kindness because of who you are, not what your body says about you.

Works Cited

Bloom, Amy. In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss. Granta Books, 2022.

Ekern, Baxter. “Appreciating Body Functionality Over Appearance.” Eating Disorder Hope, Eating Disorder Hope, 1 June 2020, www.eatingdisorderhope.com/blog/appreciating-body- functionality-over-appearance.

Fuller, Kristen. “Body Positivity vs. Body Neutrality.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 11 June 2021, www.verywellmind.com/body-positivity-vs-body-neutrality-5184565#:~:text=Bod y%20neutrality%20means%20taking%20a,everything%20your%20b od y%20can%20d o.

Hore-Thorburn. “Jonah Hill & How the ‘Body Positivity’ Movement Leaves Men Behind.” Highsnobiety, 3 Mar. 2021.

King, Steph. “Plus-Size Model Ashley Graham Is Curvy Style Goals.” Stylight, Stylight, 16 May 2021.

Legault, Lisa, and Anise Sago. “When Body Positivity Falls Flat: Divergent Effects of Body Acceptance Messages That Support vs. Undermine Basic Psychological Needs.” Body Image, vol. 41, 16 Mar. 2022, doi:10.31234/osf.io/zu7rg.

Maldonado, Daisy. “The Body Positivity Movement Is Focused on All the Wrong Things.” StyleCaster, StyleCaster, 8 Oct. 2021, stylecaster.com/body-positivity-movement-harmful/.

Turner, Frederick. Beauty: The Value of Values. University Press of Virginia, 1992.

Yeboah, Stephanie. “Why the Body Positivity Movement Still Has a Long Way to Go.” Vogue India, Condé Nast, 29 May 2020.