Have you ever said something that someone else misinterpreted as something else? Some of the most common problems in interpersonal communication stem from the use of language. For instance, two students, John and Jane, are texting each other. Jane texts John about meeting for dinner, and James texts “K” instead of “okay”. Jane is worried because she thinks John is mad. She wonders why he texted “K” instead of “k”, “ok”, “yes” or “okay.” John was in a hurry, and he just texted in caps because he was excited to see Jane. Words are not just used to communicate content- but feelings, attitudes, judgments, values, and perspectives. In this chapter, we will explore the verbal symbols- words and language- that we use to communicate with others. Specifically, we will cover what verbal communication is, its characteristics and function, and how to improve verbal communication competence.

6.1.0 Characteristics of verbal communication

Verbal communication consists of message that are sent using words, both written and spoken. In order to understand how we use verbal communication to create shared meaning in interactions, we first must become familiar with its characteristics. This section is about how verbal messages characteristics such as symbolic, learned, rule-governed, denotative and connotative meaning.

6.1.1 Verbal messages are a system of symbols

Our language system is primarily made up of symbols. A symbol is something that stands for or represents something else. Symbols can be communicated verbally (e.g., greeting with “Hello”), in writing (writing the word “Hello”), or nonverbally (waving your hand back and forth). In any case, the symbols we use stand in for something else, like a physical object or an idea; they do not actually correspond to the thing being referenced in any direct way. For instance, there is nothing inherent about call a cat a cat. Rather, English Speakers have agreed that these symbols (by putting together letters “C-A-T” to form the word “cat”), whose components are used in a particular order each time, stand for both the actual object, as well as our interpretation of that object. This idea is illustrated by Ogden and Richard’s as the triangle of meaning. The word “cat” is not the actual cat. Nor does it have any direct connection to an actual cat. Instead, we choose to comprehend the connection between the word cat so that we form the mind image of its reference—the actual cat.

The verbal symbols that we use to communicate have three distinct qualities: they are arbitrary, ambiguous, and abstract. We use words to represent our ideas. This example demonstrates our agreement that the word “cat” represents or stands for a real cat and our idea of a cat. The symbols we use are arbitrary and have no direct relationship to the objects or ideas they represent. We generally consider communication successful when we reach agreement on the meanings of the symbols we use.

Symbols are also ambiguous, which means they have several meanings. For example, when the word “cat” is uttered alone and without context, most people might envision a small, house cat. However, “cat” has other possible meanings. A lion? Nickname for Catherine” Cool person? Heavy construction machinery? Imagine your friend tells you they have an apple on their desk. Are they referring to the fruit or their laptop? If a friend says that a person they met is cool, do they mean that person is cold or awesome? The meanings of symbols change over time due to changes in social norms, values, and advances in technology. We are able to communicate because there are a finite number of possible meanings for our symbols, a range of meanings which the members of a given language system agree upon. Without an agreed-upon system of symbols, we could share relatively little meaning with one another.

The verbal symbols we use are also abstract, meaning that words are not material or physical. A certain level of abstraction is inherent in the fact that symbols can only represent objects and ideas. This abstraction allows us to use a phrase like “ the public” in a broad way to mean all the people in the United States rather than having to distinfuish among all the diverse groups that make up the U.S. population. Similarly, in J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter book series, wizards and witches call the non-magical population on earth “muggles” rather than having to define all the separate cultures of muggles. Abstraction is helpful when you want to communicate complex concepts in a simple way. However, the more abstract the language, the greater potential there is for confusion. Saying “cat” is not as abstract as saying “animal,”, but also will not necessarily bring an image of a much more specific white cat named “Cantaloupe” to the mind of your listener, if that is your intention.

6.1.2 Verbal Messages are Learned

As we just learned, the relationship between the symbols that make up our language and their referents is arbitrary, which means they have no meaning until we assign it to them. In order to effectively use a language system, we have to learn which symbols go with which referents, since we can’t just tell by looking at the symbol. You probably learned what the word “apple” meant by looking at the letters A-P-P-L-E and a picture of an apple and having a caregiver or teacher help you sound out the letters until you said the whole word. Over time, we associated that combination of letters with an apple. Similarly, in a Chinese-Speaking community, student assigned meaning to a different symbol for this fruity referent. The symbol is “苹果” (pronounced as Ping Guo). Same referent, different symbol.

6.1.3 Verbal Messages are Rule-Governed

Verbal communication is rule-governed. We must follow agreed-upon rules to make sense of the symbol we share. Let’s take another look at our example the word cat. What would happen if there were no rules for using the symbol that make up this word? If placing these symbols in a proper order was not important, then cta, tac, tca, act, pr atc could all mean cat. Any language system has to have rules to make it learnable and usable. Grammar refers to the rules that govern how words are used to make phrases and sentences. Someone would likely know what you mean by the question “Where’s the remote control?” But “The control remote where’s?” is likely to be unintelligible or at least confusing (Crystal, 2005). Knowing the rules of grammar is important in order to be able to write and speak to be understood. However, those rules are also open and flexible, allowing a person to make choices to determine meaning (Eco, 1976).

In addition, the rules that guide our verbal messages can differ through different communication channels, such as academic papers, face-to-face interactions, text messages, or social media. When writing an academic paper, grammatical rules are important to follow, and spelling and punctuation play an important role in conveying meaning, for example, “Let’s eat Grandma” is different in meaning from “Let’s eat, Grandma.” However, when communicating through a text message, the rules are usually more relaxed, flexible, and dynamic; communicators will often use abbreviations, acronyms, and slang to convey meaning, and may forgo punctuation or use it strategically to modify word meaning.

6.1.4 Verbal Messages Have Both Denotative and Connotative Meanings

We attached meanings to words. Meanings are not inherent in words themselves. As you’ve been reading, words (symbols) are arbitrary and attain meaning only when people give them meaning. While we can always look to a dictionary to find a standardized definition of a word, or its denotative meaning, meanings do not always follow standard, agreed-upon definitions when used in various contexts. For example, think of the word “sick”. The denotative definition of the word is ill or unwell. However, connotative meanings, the meanings we assign based on our experiences and beliefs, are quite varied. For instance, take the word “hippie,” the denotative meaning is “a usually young person who rejects the mores of established society (as by dressing unconventionally or favoring communal living) and advocates a nonviolent ethic” (Webster, 2019). However, what comes to mind when you think of the word hippie? Long hair? Tye-dye shirts? Drugs? This is the connotative meaning, the things you associate with that particular word. Connotative meanings can be positive, negative, and/or neutral and what we associate with word may change over time and vary based on individual experiences. For instance, a person who liked road trips as child may have a positive association with that phrase, while a person who disliked them may have a negative association.

6.2.0 Functions of Verbal Communication

Since our existence is intimately tied to the communication we use, in this section we will address how verbal communication serves many functions in our daily lives. Specifically, we use verbal communication to define reality, organize, think, and shape attitudes.

6.2.1 Verbal Communication Helps Define Reality

We use verbal communication to define everything from ideas, emotions, experiences, thoughts, objects, and people (Blumer). Think about how you define yourself. You may define yourself as a student, employee, son/daughter, parent, advocate, etc. You might also define yourself as moral, ethical, a night owl, or a procrastinator, Verbal communication is how we label and define what we experience in our lives. These definitions are not only descriptive, but evaluative. Imagine you are at the beach with a few of your friends. The day starts out sunny and beautiful, but the tides quickly turn when rain clouds appeared overhead. Because of the unexpected rain, you define the day as disappointing and ugly. Suddenly, your friend comments, “What are you talking about, man? Today is beautiful!” Instead of focusing on the weather, he might be referring to the fact that he was having a good day by spending quality time with his buddies on the beach, rain or shine. This statement reflects that we have choices for how we use verbal communication to define our realities. We make choices about what to focus on and how to define what we experience and its impact on how we understand and live in our world.

6.2.2 Verbal Communication Help Us Organize

Consider the number of things you experience with your primary sense every day. It is impossible to comprehend everything we encounter. We use verbal communication to organize seemingly random events into understandable categories to make sense of our experiences. For example, we all organize the people in our lives into categories. We label These people with terms like friends, acquaintances, romantic partners, family, peers, colleagues, and strangers. We highlight certain qualities, traits, or scripts to organize outwardly haphazard events into meaningful categories to establish meaning for the world we live in.

6.2.3 Verbal Communication Helps Us Think

Without verbal communication, we would not function as thinking beings. The ability to reason and communicate is what distinguishes humans from other animals. In the 2011 Scientific American Article “How Language Shapes Thought,” author Lera Boroditsky claims that people “rely on language even when doing simple things like distinguishing patches of color, counting dots on a screen or orienting in a small room…” IN addition, with language, we are able to reflect on the past, consider the present, and ponder the future. We develop our memories using language. Try recalling your first conscious memories. Chances are, your first conscious memories formed around the time you started using verbal communication.

6.2.4 Verbal Communication Helps US Shape Our Attitudes About Our World

The way you use language shapes your attitude about the world around you. Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf developed the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis to explain that language determines thought. People who speak different languages, or use language differently, actually think differently. The argument suggests that if a native English speaker had the exact same experiences in their life, but grew up speaking Chinese instead of English, their worldview would be different because of the different symbols used to make sense of the world. When you label, describe, or evaluate events in your life, you use the symbols of the language you speak. Your use of these symbols to represent your reality influences your perspective and attitude about the world. So, it makes sense then that the more sophisticated your repertoire of the symbols is, the more sophisticated your world view can be for you.

6.3.0 Communication Competence

In this section, we will cover techniques for sending more effective verbal messages, address contextual nuances surrounding the meaning of verbal messages, and discuss the importance of reflecting on our own verbal messages.

6.3.1 Effective communication: Improving verbal message clarity

In order to increase shared meaning in interactions, it’s important to focus on message clarity. The level of clarity we need to provide in a communicative interaction can vary based on context, who we are talking to, and our communication goal. The language and words we use can range from abstract to concrete. Abstract language covers a broader range of objects, events, and phenomenon without providing much detail, whereas concrete language refers to specific object, events, and phenomenon that can be observed. For instance, ‘fruit’ is abstract as it can refer to a wide range of different fruits, from an apple to an orange. On the other hand, ‘Granny Smith Apple’ would be concrete in that it refers to a specific type and color of fruit. The abstraction ladder illustrates how objects, events, phenomenon, and ideas can be described on a scale ranging from abstract to concrete. The bottom rung of the ladder refers to something specific/concrete and as you move up the ladder the phrasing gets more abstract,. When language is more abstract, it leaves more room for interpretation; this likewise increases the chanaces of miscommunication or share meaning not be achieved. However, abstracting is beneficial in certain instances as it enables us to communicate more efficiently without using dozens of words to refer to one particular idea or concept. For example, if your partner stepped by the grocery store, picked up the dry cleaning, and dropped off the mail, we might simply say “thanks for doing the errands” versus noting every specific thing.

When producing and interpreting abstract messages, context is key to expressing and discerning what one means and creating shared meaning. While certain situations lend themselves to more concrete messages. Concrete messages can be useful when it is important that the message be understood, such as in a professional context, when we are interacting with others who are less familiar with, or with children who are still developing the meaning of certain words and concepts. Parents sometimes expect kids to “behabe before giving kids a concrete sense of what that actually looks or sounds like to them (e.g., “Sti still and don’t talk during the movie”). Using concrete language is also helpful when giving feedback designed to improve performance, and when addressing complaints and/or making requests. How many of us have received feedback such as “good job” or “need improvement?” What that means might be very clear to the feedback giver. But those phrases could have many possible interpretations in the mind of the recipient. A better form of feedback might look like “The evidence you gave clearly supported your claims” or “Work to provide evidence that clearly supports your claims.” Additionally, when complaining about someone’s behavior or asking for a change, clarity is usually an important goal. Saying “You’re ignoring me” is not as clear as saying “I haven’t heard from you in two days” or “I get worried when you don’t return my calls.” The more abstract the complaint, the more possibility there is for misunderstanding.

However, it’s important to note that sometimes we may intentionally use abstract language, depending on our communication goal. Vague and unclear language may be used as a way to avoid hurting another’s feelings, alluding to something we don’t want to say directly, hinting, or avoiding certain topics. For example, we may use the term “interesting” to describe a friend’s outfit when we really think it’s garish so as not to hurt their feelings.

6.3.2 Contextual Communication: Nuances in verbal meanings

Rules for communication guide our behaviors and interactions in a particular context and as the context changes, so do the rules and norms. When it comes to our verbal communication, what is considered ‘appropriate’ language and word choice will vary based on contextual nuances. For example, think of the types of words choices you might make when you are hanging out with your friends versus when you are in an interview. Would you speak to a small child differently and select different words than when you are speaking to an adult?

In addition, since language is ambiguous and can have multiple denotative and connotative meanings, we must rely on the context not only to determine what words to use, but how to decode the messages of others. For instance, the word “mouse” can mean either a computer mouse or a rodent. If someone said the word mouse in a computer lab (physical context), it would likely mean the former, where as if they said it in a pet store, it would likely mean the latter. Cultural context and your co-cultures (the various group you may belong to based on race, ethnicity, gender identity, generation, etc.) also play a key role in meaning making. For example, generations often have differences in what a particular word might mean. The word cool might be used by a younger generation to fefer awesome, whereas an older generation might use it to refer to the temperature. So if you were to tell your grandmother something was cool. You may intend it to mean awesome, but she may think it means cold.

Because words can hold different meanings for different people and vary in what is considered acceptable and accepted, context should always be kept in mind. As competent communicators, we should strive to use vocabulary the listener understands and only use slang in situations where it is considered acceptable and accepted. For example, we might use slang terms with our friends, but should probably avoid them in professional situations.

6.3.3 Reflective communication: understanding biases in language

Bias has a way of creeping into our daily language use, often without our awareness. Culturally biased language can make reference to one or more cultural identities, including race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and ability. Much biased language is based on stereotypes and myths, both culturally and individually, that influence the words we use. Bias is both intentional and unintentional; sometimes we don’t even realize our words communicate a particular bias, and we have no intention of offending others. However, because others may decode a message differently from what we intend, as competent communicators, we must be aware of how others may interpret (or misinterpret) our words, what biases we may be intentionally or unintentionally communicating, and how our word choice can affect others. While it is unlikely that we will ever completely eliminate bias from our verbal communication or never offend anyone, it is important to be aware and reflective of our communication. Below focuses on five types of biases inherent in language people use: race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and ableness.

Race:

People sometimes use euphemisms for race that illustrate bias because the terms are usually implicitly compared to the dominant group. For instance, referring to a person as “urban” or a neighborhood as “inner city” can be an accurate descriptor, but when such words are used as a substitute for racial identity, they illustrate cultural biases that equate certain races with cities and poverty. Using adjectives like articulate or well-dressed in statements like “My black coworker is articulate” reinforces negative stereotypes even though these words are typically viewed as positive. Terms like nonwhite set up whiteness as the norm, which implies that white people are the norm against which all other races should be compared.

Biased language also reduces the diversity within certain racial groups—for example, referring to anyone who looks like they are of Asian descent as Chinese or everyone who “looks” Latino/a as Mexicans. Some people with racial identities other than white, including people who are multiracial, use the label person/people of color to indicate solidarity among groups, but it is likely that they still prefer a more specific label when referring to an individual or referencing a specific racial group.

Gender:

Language has a tendency to exaggerate perceived and stereotypical differences between men and women. For example, the use of the term opposite sex presumes that men and women are opposites. One key to avoiding gendered bias in language is to void the generic use of he or she when referring to something relevant to males and females. Instead, you can informally use a gender-neutral pronoun like they or their or you. Other words reflect the general masculine bias present in English. The following word pairs show the gender-biased term followed by an unbiased term: waitress/server, chairman/chair or chairperson, mankind/people. Cameraman/camera operator, mailman/postal worker, sportsmanship/fair play. Common language practices also tend to infantilize women but not men, when, for example, women are feferred to as chicks, girls, or babes. Since there is no linguistic equivalent that indicates the marital status of men before their name, using Ms. Instead of Miss or Mrs. helps reduce bias.

Age:

Language that includes age bias can be directed toward older or younger people. Descriptions of younger people often presume recklessness or inexperience, while those of older people presume frailty or disconnection. The term elderly generally refers to people over sixty-five, but it has connotations of weakness, which isn’t accurate because there are plenty of people over sixty-five who are stronger and more athletic than people in their twenties and thirties, Even though it’s a generic phrase, older people doesn’t really have negative implications, whereas referring to people over the age of eighteen as boys or girls isn’t typically viewed as appropriate.

Sexual orientation:

Discussions of sexual orientation range from everyday conversations to contentious political and personal debates. The negative stereotypes that have been associated with homosexuality, including deviance, mental illness, and criminal behavior, continue to influence our language use. Terminology related to gay, lesbian, and bisexual people can be confusing, so let’s spend some time to raise our awareness about preferred labels. First, sexual orientation is the term preferred to sexual preference. Preference suggests a voluntary choice, as in someone has a preference for cheddar or American cheese, which doesn’t reflect the experience of most GLB people or research findings that show sexuality is more complex. Most people also prefer the labels gay, lesbian, or bisexual to homosexual, which is clinical and doesn’t so much refer to an identity as a sex act. Language regarding romantic relationships contains bias when heterosexuality is assumed. For example, asking a female if she has a boyfriend or a male is he has a girlfriend. Comments comparing GLB people to “normal” people, although possibly intended to be positive, reinforce the stereotype that GLB people are abnormal.

Don’t presume you can identify a person’ sexual orientation by looking at them or talking to them. Don’t assume that GLB people will “come out” to you. Given that many GLB people have faced and continue to face regular discrimination, they may be cautious about disclosing their identities. However, using gender neutral terminology like partner and avoiding other biased language mentioned previously may create a climate in which a GLB person feels comfortable disclosing his or her sexual orientation identity. Conversely, the casual use of phrase like “ that’s gay” to mean “that’s stupid” may create an environment in which GLB people do not feel comfortable.

Ability:

People who are differently abled or have disabilities make up a diverse group that has increasingly come to be viewed as a cultural identity group. People without disabilities are often referred to as able-bodied. As with sexual orientation, comparing with disabilities to “normal” people implies that there is an agreed-on definition of what “normal” is and that people with disabilities are “abnormal”. People who fall into the category may prefer the word differently abled or prefer disability to the word handicap.

It’s also important to keep in mind that just because someone is disabled doesn’t mean they are also handicapped. The environment around them rather than their disability often handicaps people with disabilities. Ignoring the environment as the source of a handicap and placing on the person fits into a pattern of reducing people with disabilities to their disability—for example, calling someone a paraplegic instead of a person with paraplegia. In many cases, as with sexual orientation, race age, and gender, verbally marking a person as different isn’t relevant. Language used in conjunction with disabilities also tends to portray people as victims of their disability and paint pictures of their lives as gloomy, dreadful, or painful. Such descriptors are often generalizations or completely inaccurate.

Being politically correct?

Since the terms and language we use in reference to people or groups has the power to reveal biases within our culture and ourselves, these messages may have a negative impact over time on the person or group of people who hear them, especially when derogatory terms related to gender, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, etc. are used. Reflecting on and addressing biases in words and using them in a respectful, ethical manner so as not to offend others is important part of being a competent communicator and should not be conflated with the pejorative term “political correctness.” Misuse and the negative connotation of this term has created ill-feelings around respectful and ethical communication. However, holding empathy towards others and being aware of and sensitive to their reactions is not a bad thing, it should actually be something we all strive for in our interactions. Addressing biases means being reflective of our communication, taking responsibility for what we say, holding others accountable for what they say, and modifying the language we use. This can be hard at first, as it can make us feel uncomfortable, guilty, or even defensive. It is natural to try to shift the blame to others, tell them they are being ‘too sensitive,’ that we didn’t intend something a particular way, or that they need to “toughen” up. However, a competent communicator is one who can reflect on their and others’ biases and holds themselves accountable for the effects of their messages on others, whether intentional or unintentional. Throughout history, words have had the power to motivate, elevate, transform, ridicule, and silence. Words have been used to incite violence against others. Some people have very strong reactions to words and phrases, leading them to hurt others or even themselves. Words have been used to incite violence against groups of people and cause others to take their own lives. Words are not just words; words matter.

Adapted from: Interpersonal Communication Abridged Textbook (I.C.A.T.); Central New Mexico Community College; 2019; CC BY NC SA 4.0