9 Taylor Swift as Lover

Taylor Swift’s music is largely focused on romantic relationships, and she often bases her lyrics on real-life experiences with people she has dated. She is known for writing heartbreak songs, and so many of her fans find these cathartic and healing. Her songs cover breakups, memories, new love, passion, betrayals, and the list goes on and on. Anything related to romantic love is on the table in Swift’s catalog. Her vast discography of two hundred and fifty songs and counting has varying genres and themes, but one of the most prominent is what it means to be a lover.

One of the most interesting themes she explores is secrecy and forbidden love in order to capture the raw complexities of infidelity. The moral lines of infidelity blur as she unpacks the many emotions and motives behind infidelity from a range of perspectives in many songs. From her debut album to Midnights, there is at least one song on each album that explores secrecy and affairs. By incorporating many elements of love and romance into her songwriting, Swift portrays the various motives and consequences surrounding infidelity.

The albums Midnights and folklore contain some of the most significant songs about infidelity that cover the consequences of cheating and the nuances behind it. Some of these songs have more positive connotations, as they explore the innocent or naive perspectives that come with new relationships and sharing secrets with your partner. Other songs exhibit how keeping secrets in a relationship can become destructive and cause rifts. In particular, the song “ivy” from the evermore album says, “What would he do if he found us out? / Crescent moon, coast is clear / Spring breaks loose, but so does fear / He’s gonna burn this house to the ground.” These words allude to the idea that the relationship is “burning down,” and interestingly, the Lover house does burn down on The Eras Tour after that set of songs in the concert. The house can be seen as a metaphor for a relationship (in particular, Swift’s relationship with Joe Alwyn). Metaphorically, a house burning down might represent a relationship that once was full of safety and trust; now it is full of resentment and pain due to unhappiness and infidelity. Infidelity is a taboo subject, because it challenges norms around sexual intimacy within monogamous relationships, and those who cheat may feel strong inner emotional conflicts. While Swift notes the nuance behind somebody’s actions, she doesn’t glorify the feelings or justify the motives. Rather, she writes about them in a way that recognizes a guilty conscience.

Swift’s music also explores power dynamics, double standards, ethics, and gray areas that occur within secret affairs. There are many factors that can influence an imbalance of power in a relationship. Some of these are culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation or ethnicity (Williams & Knudson‐Martin, 2013, p. 2). When there is unequal power in a relationship, it is almost impossible to create a healthy intimate dynamic. This is because as one person is fighting to not appear weak or to be in charge, the other is desperately working to not upset the balance of the relationship (p. 2). Two of Swift’s songs in particular explore this, with lines such as “don’t call me ‘kid’ / don’t call me ‘baby’” from “illicit affairs” and “you started it” from “ivy.” These lyrics mimic the language that a child would use when defending their actions in a confrontation; this alludes to the power dynamic between the characters in these songs.

Further, the double standard of female sexuality—in which women are expected to mask dissatisfaction toward their partners and are harshly judged if they participate in casual sexual encounters—adds to power imbalances within romantic relationships. If women voice dissatisfaction or engage in casual sex, classifications such as “slut” and “home wrecker” are thrown around. If women are not sexual enough, they are labeled as “prudish” or “uptight.” These terms brand female sexuality as inappropriate and unacceptable and function to control a woman’s behavior through shame (Attwood, p. 235). Such labeling also demonstrates how female sexuality is scrutinized, whereas male sexuality is praised (Farvid, Braun, & Rowney, 2017, p. 546).

Another double standard, particular to infidelity, is that women are often held responsible for the state of heterosexual relationships. A man’s partner is blamed for not being able to keep his interest while the “other woman” in the situation is villainized for seducing the man. This dynamic is explored in the song “betty,” which states, “she pulled up like / A figment of my worst intentions.” The other woman is depicted as the aggressor in these lines. Women normally relate their infidelity to relationship dissatisfaction, whereas men relate it to their desire for sexual excitement (Williams & Knudson‐Martin, p. 2). We see this in “cardigan,” with the line, “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.” Men may also be drawn to cheat out of entitlement or a self-esteem boost of “possessing” multiple women, while women may cheat to rebel against the disappointments and constrictions of domesticity (p. 2).

Other examples of this concept within Swift’s music can be found in “Should’ve Said No,” with the lyrics, “You say that you’d take it all back / Given one chance, it was a moment of weakness” and in “betty” with the lyrics, “I’m only 17, I don’t know anythin’.” The male character’s justification for cheating on Betty is immaturity or a moment of weakness. When Swift sings about herself or a fictional female character, the reason for cheating is oriented as dissatisfaction or unhappiness in relationships. This shows up in “High Infidelity” with the lyrics, “You know there’s many different ways / That you can kill the one you love / The slowest way is never loving them enough / Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?” In “Getaway Car,” she sings, “I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason” and “Should’ve known I’d be the first to leave / Think about the place where you first met me.”

An explanation for conflicting views on infidelity within Swift’s songwriting could be that her personal perspective on cheating has changed over time, as she has grown as an artist and a woman. Earlier in her career, in songs like “Should’ve Said No” and “Girl At Home,” there was not much sympathy for cheaters. A single narrative in those songs conveys that cheating is always malicious or careless and therefore unforgivable. The narrative slightly changes when we get to newer albums that have a more introspective viewpoint. For example, in the trio of songs “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty,” it is implied that Betty forgives James after he cheats on her. This also happens in “tolerate it,” which says, “I take your indiscretions all in good fun.” This suggests that she has tried to preserve the relationship despite possible cheating in that scenario.

Swift eloquently captures the complex emotions of each character’s role in an affair. From this approach, Swift humanizes those involved in cheating, and there are many underlying aspects to infidelity that show it is not always a black-and-white situation. Through Swift’s music, we can come to empathize with people who are often villainized in these situations. The entire premise of the song “august” encapsulates this concept. Swift discussed in the Long Pond Studio Sessions that she doesn’t view Augustine as the villain who stole James from Betty, but instead as a girl who also had feelings involved (imusic). She fell in love and also got hurt by the situation. By putting us in the shoes of these characters, Swift highlights the complexity of human nature.

Infidelity isn’t the only theme related to love in Swift’s catalog. In fact, the color red, often associated with love and lovers, plays a prominent role in her work. Her fourth studio album is called Red and three of her songs, “Red,” “Daylight,” and “Maroon” use strong imagery and similar comparisons of love to color. These songs from different albums—Red, Lover, and Midnights, respectively—describe the different stages of romantic relationships.

The song “Red” is written in past tense, except for the first few lines, and recalls different memories of a romantic relationship. There are many metaphors used to express the feelings during this relationship: “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street / Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly.” These lines give the impression that this relationship was risky, there was always an end in sight, and that it was very intense. The song is mainly a collection of metaphors explaining the atmosphere of the relationship. During the chorus, the lyrics compare emotions to colors. “Losing him was blue, like I’d never known / Missing him was dark gray, all alone… / But loving him was red… / Burning red.” The use of colors elicits a strong response and a connection to emotions.

The color red is commonly associated with positive concepts, such as strength, power, and energy, and Swift consistently wears red lipstick. However, red can also be associated with negative concepts, such as anger, alarm, and danger. Not only is the relationship in the song described as “red,” but there are other colors, like blue and dark gray, that emphasize how bright the color red is. These colors are paired with melancholy words, and the use of the word “but” to describe the love being “red” shows that experiencing this relationship was worth all of the other negative emotions that came with it. Another line shows the range of emotions during this relationship: “Tell myself it’s time now gotta let go / But moving on from him is impossible / When I still see it all in my head / In burning red.” It’s clear that the relationship had to end, but since the love was so bright and passionate, it’s difficult to move past. The color red symbolizes how something can be both good and bad and how it leaves a lasting impression.

Other tracks in Swift’s catalog that use the color red include: “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” which mentions red lips, cheating at a bar, red clothing, and seasons; “I Knew You Were Trouble,” which says, “Waking up after an apocalypse,” “his world burned too bright,” and mentions red hair; “22,” which features hearts, a sunset (perhaps a metaphor for the end of a relationship), and heart glasses; “Everything Has Changed,” which mentions the Eiffel Tower and red lips; “I Bet You Think About Me,” in which she’s the only one wearing red, and there’s a rose, destroying a cake, a scarf, a red guitar, and everything turning red; and “All Too Well (10 Minute Version),” which mentions fall, the scarf (theorized to be a symbol of virginity), red lipstick, gaslighting, a red typewriter, and red hair.

In 2019, Swift released her seventh studio album Lover, which has a bright concept with pastel colors and butterflies. Swift described it as “a love letter to love, in all of its maddening, passionate, exciting, enchanting, horrific, tragic, wonderful glory” (Aniftos, 2019). The last track, “Daylight,” shows growth in romantic relationships. The song begins by positioning past relationships as negative. The lyrics then shift to describing the current relationship Swift was in. “I’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night / And now I see daylight, I only see daylight.” While her past experiences were dark, she has moved into the light. In the bridge of this song, Swift uses color to describe the relationship. “I once believed love would be (Black and white) / … I once believed love would be (Burnin’ red) / But it’s golden / Like daylight.” These colors reference past relationships that Swift wrote about in previous albums; black and white refers to reputation and “burnin’ red” refers to Red. Although Swift had thought she found love in the past, she now knows that love wasn’t supposed to be like that. The color gold, which Swift compares to love in “Daylight,” is bright, warm, and happy, and daylight brings warmth and new beginnings. This is different imagery than what Swift had used for conveying feelings of love in the past. The song is melodic and sonically emphasizes feelings of peace and comfort.

Daylight doesn’t last forever, and dusk that turns into midnight is inevitable. Swift’s tenth studio album, called Midnights, has the track “Maroon,” which describes how a relationship falls apart. The first verse and chorus tell of two people growing close to each other. In the post-chorus, Swift describes situations that represent how the sky looked. “The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me / And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was / The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones / The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon.” Swift says the color at the end of the descriptions to provide a foundation for the emotions represented by the color. Maroon has similar associations with the color red, but it’s a darker version, which implies seriousness and depth. The second verse of the song “Maroon” depicts fighting, misunderstandings, and the relationship breaking down. The relationship has changed, and the song shows how people grow apart.

The color red is bright, whereas maroon is dark, but they are ultimately different shades of the same color. Since “Maroon” came after both “Red” and “Daylight,” it can be considered a more mature version of “Red,” showing how love can slip away and fall back into what it was before “Daylight.” However, having seen what authentic love is like in “Daylight,” “Maroon” is a darker melancholy version of “Red.” There are similarities between “Daylight” and “Maroon” as well, as both songs reference the color of the sky as a representation of love. Each song effectively conveys different stages in a romantic relationship and how people can change within those relationships. Swift’s progression of color coincides with her stories of relationships, and it’s interesting to see her describe love as red, then golden, and then maroon.

Because her music focuses on the personal nature of her romantic relationships, Swift has faced much public criticism for her dating habits and the use of those experiences as art. Many people counter these critiques by pointing out that male celebrities are not as frequently criticized for their dating habits. Swift addressed this in an interview. The reporter said, “[Y]ou’re going to walk home with more than maybe just a trophy tonight…I think lots of men?” Swift responded, “I’m not going to walk home with any men tonight. I’m going to hang out with my friends and then I go home to the cats” (Hodgson, 2015). She’s clever, and despite the criticism, a careful examination of her lyrics shows tasteful references to her past lovers and relationships.

While writing breakup songs might seem petty or vengeful, the way Swift incorporates specific details from her relationships is artful. She uses imagery to represent the larger trajectory of the relationship, and it makes those experiences universal and relatable for many fans. For example, in “Out of The Woods,” she sings about Harry Styles, mentioning a snowmobile accident this way: “Remember when you hit the brakes too soon? / 20 stitches in a hospital room.” This refers to the incident but also serves as a metaphor for the relationship. The song also references “Two paper airplanes flying” because of the paper airplane necklaces she and Styles had both worn. The details add depth and emotion, but they aren’t meant to shame the person she dated. Similarly, the song “Back To December” is not meant to rake ex-boyfriend Taylor Lautner over the coals. They were together for a short while, and Swift was the one who made mistakes and ended their romance. She sings, “You gave me roses and I left them there to die / So this is me swallowin’ my pride / Standin’ in front of you sayin’ I’m sorry for that night.” She admits her own faults in the demise of their relationship and wrote about it for everybody to hear. Her songwriting about relationships isn’t one-sided.

That said, if an artist, like Swift, writes about such details, aren’t we allowed to critique them? She has made information about her relationships public and therefore exposes those ideas and experiences to dissection. On the other hand, Swift isn’t necessarily writing songs about the men she’s dated to demean them, but rather to pull from personal experience to write authentically as an outlet for feelings and emotions. Jake Gyllenhaal seems to understand this, despite the hate he’s gotten from Swifties. He said of “All Too Well,” a song thought to be about him, that “It’s about her relationship with her fans. It is her expression. Artists tap into personal experiences for inspiration, and I don’t begrudge anyone that” (Scharf, 2022).

As Gyllenhaal noted, part of why she writes about such intimate experiences is to connect with fans and make them feel included. Swift rarely talks about her life outside of her music when doing interviews. We don’t know much about her without the lyrics, and through those lyrics it feels (to so many people) that we could be best friends with her. Being able to keep herself so private while also sharing the personal intricacies and intimacies of her life and love through music is a talent Swift has tapped into. What makes Swift’s work unique is that her intimate portraits of love mirror and echo those that most of us experience. Identification from fans is a huge part of Swift’s success, and she does this by tapping into relationships, her role as a lover, and the troubles (and triumphs) such experiences bring.

References

Aniftos, R. (8 August 2019). “Taylor Swift Calls ‘Lover’ Album Her ‘Love Letter to Love,’ Details 2 Unreleased Tracks.” Billboard.com. https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-vogue-intereview-lover-two-new-songs-8526948/

Attwood, F. (2007). Sluts and riot grrrls: Female identity and sexual agency. Journal of Gender Studies, 16(3), 233-247.

Farvid, P., Braun, V., & Rowney, C. (2017). ‘No girl wants to be called a slut!’: Women, heterosexual casual sex and the sexual double standard. Journal of Gender Studies, 26(5), 544-560.

Hodgson, C. (11 February 2015). “Taylor Swift shuts down RIDICULOUS Grammys red carpet question with total style.” Cosmopolitan.com. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/entertainment/news/a33386/taylor-swift-grammys-red-carpet-question/

imusic. “Talking about ‘august.’” (folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions | Disney+).

Scharf, Z. (17 February 2022). “Jake Gyllenhaal Responds to Taylor Swift’s ‘All Too Well,’ Says He Didn’t Listen to ‘Red’ Re-Release.” Variety.com. https://variety.com/2022/music/news/jake-gyllenhaal-responds-taylor-swift-all-too-well-1235184669/

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Williams, K., & Knudson‐Martin, C. (2013). Do therapists address gender and power in infidelity? A feminist analysis of the treatment literature. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 39(3), 271-284.